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Falling in Love on the Dance Floor

Rachel Cassandra
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Falling in Love on the Dance Floor

Social dancing as a way of meeting romantic partners

Partnered dancing is a relatively recent development, as these things go. That said, group dances have long been a way for men and women in cultures all over the world to socialize and display their attractive features.
“In Congo we have dances in which the men are in the middle of a big circle, showing off for the women,” explains Lam LaKiz. “Like peacocks, trying to impress!”

With the rise of couple dancing, potential partners were presented with more opportunities to interact directly. Think of the Russian court dances in Anna Karenina, or the society events represented in Downton Abbey. Debutante balls were (are) all about young ladies being presented to eligible young men. Square dances and reels could easily be likened to speed dating. These days there is plenty of talk of “meat markets” and “hook-up culture” when it comes to bars and clubs: dancing to find sexual relationships that might afterwards turn romantic.

In our couple dance communities, we sometimes try to hold ourselves apart from that. Certainly some people really do come out for pure love of the dance, to become more active, or just to make friends. Still, “meeting girls” or guys remains one of the most important reasons people start social dancing. Ask around, or even check the bios of your favorite artists – an amazing number of them didn’t start off dreaming of going pro, they just wanted a significant other.

Advantages to looking for love in the dance scene

Depending where you live, the dance scene can offer a relatively large pool of people; more than a sports team or cooking class, for example. You can meet a lot of people in quite a short period of time. That’s especially true if you’re not wedded to just one style.

Dancing offers the chance to engage in structured, short-term interactions, so there’s not too much to deal with up front. Certainly asking someone to dance is much less intimidating than striking up a conversation in a book store. Once your interest is piqued, you can ask for another dance later, or even have a brief conversation while getting some water. You can ask if they’ll be at the next dance, confirming an opportunity to see them again without fearing rejection.

When you are in the same dance community, you can see how a potential love interest treats other people, and how others respond to them. You get a sense of how they communicate, not only verbally but also in their dancing. Are they courteous, kind, confident or funny? Do they hog all the attention, or do they let you have a voice? Are they aggressive or gentle, helpful or rushed? So much of someone’s personality translates into movement on the dance floor.

An obvious advantage is the chance to check physical compatibility. In open position dances, you do have the proximity to get a whiff of their activity-induced sweat. Pheromones are still a factor in attraction among human beings, however evolved we’d like to think we are! In close connection dances, you are in fact embracing your partner and can easily sense how you fit together.

Plus, if you do start dating someone in the dance scene, there are still more advantages. You already have a shared passion and an activity that takes you out together. You may also gain a practice partner, carpool buddy, and someone to share the costs of hotel stays at dance festivals. Not to mention that it’ll be easy to keep hanging out with your single friends!

Special challenges of dating in the dance scene

You’re probably already sighing, thinking of a horror story from your own or a friend’s experience. This is not an easy proposition, for several very different reasons, some of which you may never have considered. Have you ever thought about how tough it is for anyone in the dance scene who is not heterosexual or on a clear side of the gender binary, for example?

Let’s start by saying you need to be careful about exploring your attraction. Ideally, dance venues should be safe spaces. People need to believe that they are not going to be molested or hurt while engaging in these close contact activities. Unfortunately, nearly every female dancer and quite a lot of men have experienced unwanted intimate contact at a dance. So, don’t be the creeper that rubs on your partner, caresses inappropriately, or presses close in the groin area. I’m not saying we can never heat things up a little on the dance floor, but it should really only be with someone who has already confirmed interest in you. Furthermore, if you want to take things up a notch, go slowly (slight shoulder rub, small lean) and make sure that you’re getting consent along the way. Don’t wait for someone to get up the guts to cause a conflict by telling you to back off. Make sure that you are hearing an enthusiastic “YES” in every fiber of their being, or go back to purely socially appropriate contact. RESPECT is key.

(Not sure about this consent stuff? Check out some great resources here and here.)

Sometimes it can seem too risky to try to develop a romantic attachment within the dance scene. If everything is going well as it is, why change something and risk messing it all up? Kylie, a dancer in Sydney, shares: “Dancing is very free and joyful for me; it’s an escape. I didn’t want to complicate that with a lot of emotion in what is a close community.”

The next big challenge is managing your privacy. Sometimes in the dance scene it can feel like you’re living in public. It seems like everyone notices when you start spending more time with someone in particular, and people might start asking you questions about your relationship before you’re even sure how to define it yourself. If you’re a private person, used to keeping different aspects of your life as compartmentalized as possible, this may seem an impossible hurdle. Often we respond by keeping a new relationship secret. We text and Facebook chat to avoid being seen making plans together, and leave separately even though we’re going to hang out afterward. This sort of subterfuge is perfectly natural and can help preserve your privacy while you’re exploring a new relationship. Once you are willing to commit to something together, though, that should probably change. If you still feel the need to keep it secret after months together, that might be a red flag. That’s particularly true if only one of you is pushing for that, just as it would be outside the dance scene.

Jealousy is also an issue for us dancers. It can be hard to trust your partner, as you watch them dancing “promiscuously” with a wide variety of partners, some of whom may be intimidating in their own attractive qualities. In dances that are more exhibitionist, such as salsa, you may watch and wonder if your partner prefers a stronger dancer. For close contact dances, it can be hard for your partner to accept gracefully that you enjoy being snuggled up to another. On top of that, some people may be afraid to ask you to dance when your significant other is nearby, not necessarily because they have inappropriate intent, but simply because they aren’t sure how it will be perceived.

Finally, as if breakups weren’t hard enough already, if your dance-inspired romance doesn’t last, there are some difficult consequences. People are undoubtedly going to be curious, endlessly asking if you’re still together, what went wrong, how you’re feeling…some of them out of genuine concern for your happiness, but most from that unfortunate human glee in gossip. Each time you come to a dance, there will be some people who still haven’t heard, and you’ll have to face the questions once again. If it was a particularly bad split, you may also have to choose between seeing your ex on a regular basis and leaving the scene.

Keys to making it work

Let’s start with some advice your parents might give you: don’t rush in. Especially since, as we’ve noted, it could be hard to rush out. Pay attention to be sure you have a basis for a relationship beyond physical attraction or star worship. Are you really compatible? How quickly do they go through significant others? Are you genuinely interested in them or are you just lonely?

Try not to view others in the dance scene as competitors for the object of your affection. I have more personal experience with this kind of negativity among ladies. We lose so much energy to rivalry when we should be supporting and encouraging one another to maintain healthy relationships.

Most importantly, communicate clearly with your love interest. Let them know that you’re interested. Tell them how you feel and how you are feeling. Be honest with yourself about your own insecurities, and don’t blame them on others. Avoiding jealous conflict comes down to believing that your partner is truly into you, and trusting them to be faithful. Listen to your dear one and support their growth as an individual.

Make sure your relationship exists outside the dance scene. Have date night regularly somewhere other than the weekly social. Find activities you enjoy together and invest quality time in each other. Introduce them to your non-dancing friends and see what the reactions are.

Lastly and above all, remember respect. Respect each person’s right to feel safe and enjoy themselves at a dance. Respect the person who rejects you. Avoid asking bothersome questions about others’ relationships unless you are really close. Respect your own worth.

Special thanks to Lam LaKiz and Kylie for their contributions to this article, both visual and verbal!

3 Tips for Handling Social Dance Accidents

Sarah Liz Vuong
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3 Tips for Handling Social Dance Accidents

Imagine, if you will, the crowded room of a regular salsa night at a local restaurant. You are surrounded by many dancing couples as well as people who are enjoying their meals and watching the dancers. Your partner is feeding off of the energy in the room and having lots of fun practicing some of the tricky moves he has learned in class. You’re feeling it too, and maybe showing off a bit with some of the styling you’ve learned. Confidence kicks in and you’re feeling fierce. So, instead of sticking with the basics, you decide to lift your foot to your knee during a cross-body lead because it looks pretty to hold it there for a brief moment just before you take your next step. Then, dread washes over you as your eyes widen and you feel warmth coming into your cheeks, indicating a lovely shade of crimson. You make eye contact with your partner, your eyes screaming “HELP!” but he doesn’t seem to notice what just happened. He didn’t see…but everyone else in the crowded room did.

In that brief moment when you held your foot just a little too high in a hitch on your leg, your skirt–which was a little too stretchy and a little too flowy–got caught on the bottom of your heel so that when you stepped–with just a little too much hip–the skirt was pulled down, past your waist, past your bum, down your knees, and around your ankles. That’s not where it’s supposed to go.

I think it’s fair to say that if you’ve been social dancing for a while, you’ve probably experienced at least a few mishaps and likely, one real zinger of an embarrassing moment. You know, that special memory you cringe at every time someone mentions it.

It’s okay–we’ve all been there, so just try to laugh at yourself and move on! I mean, sure, I half-mooned an entire restaurant full of people (and not just people who were distracted by their own dancing, but people who were sitting and dining and likely not expecting a peep show). You’re welcome, folks, I’ll be here all week. At the time it was an absolute nightmare for me but now, I can look back and laugh at how hilarious this must have looked. The skirt incident is the reason why I now wear shorts every time I dance in a skirt or a dress. Don’t learn this lesson the hard way like I did, folks. Dips can also reveal more than you would like on the dance floor.

I could have continued to dwell on the fact that I showed a room full of people my zebra-striped undies. I could have decided, “Well, that’s it. I’m so embarrassed, I’m giving up dance. I’m not showing my face (cheeks, in particular) around here anymore.” What did I do instead? I crouched down quickly, pulled up my skirt in one awkward motion (that counts as a body roll, right?), and kept dancing. To this day, my partner claims he had no idea that it had happened.

We’re all in this mess together!

The funniest part is that anytime I reluctantly share this story, I can see empathetic smiles and glimmers in the eyes of my dance friends. Usually, three or four more people end up sharing their dance faux pas (#solidarity!). I’ve heard all kinds of funny stories, ranging from wardrobe malfunctions, unintentional touching, tripping, dropping, and smacking. I even had one friend recall a moment when he was practicing with his partner and when the move didn’t work the way he had planned, he sighed and lowered his head in frustration.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t calculated the ratio of her height in relation to his own, so he ended up face-planting right into her chest. Not knowing what to do, he lingered there for a moment before emerging to the surface. I think they both knew that “the motorboat” is not a typical salsa move.

Regardless of experience or ability, all social dancers will face some kind of embarrassing moment eventually. Just remember, it’s not the situation that is a reflection of your character, but how you handle it. Here are some helpful tips to avoid or resolve these dance mishaps:

1. Dress for success

As I mentioned earlier, wearing shorts under skirts and dresses is tremendously helpful. You may also want to avoid tube tops, very loose clothing, jewelry that dangles, or fabric that can unravel. Otherwise, wear these items at your own risk. Richie Kirwan also discusses clothing in his article “An Idiot’s Guide to Dance Etiquette Part 1,” and he suggests bringing an extra-t-shirt. It’s never a bad idea to bring extra clothing in case what you’re wearing gets too sweaty or, heaven forbid, destroyed somehow. Wearing the right clothing for dance is important for your own comfort, but also to be considerate of your partner.

 2. Apologize for any mishaps and learn from your mistakes.

Dance is a contact sport and sometimes, unintentional and awkward touching may happen. If you’re guilty of smacking another dancer with your arm or hand, stepping on a foot, or the ever-so-humiliating accidental boob graze, apologize and try to be more careful. Obviously, if this is something that happens to you frequently, you may need to work on your technique and talk to your instructor about adapting your movement. In order to avoid Dance Injuries, it’s important to consider the safety of your partner and others on the dance floor at all times. Accidents happen every now and then, but don’t make risky movement a habit or people may avoid dancing with you.

3. Don’t let these moments discourage you from dancing.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: never give up! Nothing worth having comes easy, including dancing ability. Mistakes happen, but we all learn from them. If you’ve had a mishap, move past it and continue to learn more and improve as a dancer. Likewise, if you’ve danced with someone who has had an “oops” moment, don’t avoid dancing with her or him. Recall your own early dance days (or more recent embarrassing moments) and give them another shot. If someone has caused you injury and you do not want to dance with them again, let them know how you feel. Hopefully, this will encourage them to dance more safely in the future.

Were you able to relate to some of these dance mishaps? Leave a comment below or share your story on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter with the hashtag #dancemishaps

Why I Stopped Chasing Stars

Paul Stepowski
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Why I Stopped Chasing Stars

In the last year or so, I’ve been focused on getting more satisfaction out of my dancing.  I’m still taking classes, and trying to improve my lead and technique.  I’m still listening to a lot of music and collecting vinyl salsa records.  I’m still dancing socially, although, not as much as I used to.  This is partly because my local salsa scene seems to be in a bit of a lull, but also because I’ve become more picky about the music I dance to.  However, one of the conscious choices I’ve made, in an effort to improve my enjoyment level, is to stop chasing stars.

What do I mean by this?  Essentially, this means that I’ve stopped actively pursuing well known dancers/artists.  Now this doesn’t mean that I refuse to dance with artists if the opportunity arises, but I’ve stopped going out of my way to dance with them.  There are a few reasons for this, but before I get into that, I will give this a bit of context.

I live in Brisbane, Australia, which is a city of over 2 million.  It has a reasonable salsa scene, but it’s not as big as other Australian cities like Sydney or Melbourne, or other bigger salsa cities like NYC, London, Paris and so on.  We don’t get as much access to well known artists as these cities, although we do get the odd visit from Oliver Pineda and other great Australian dancers.  Occasionally, we will get international artists, such as Vito and Stefania, who paid us a visit on the weekend.  This was great, but it’s still quite rare to see salsa artists of this calibre in town.  This generally means that the only time I get the opportunity to social dance with these dancers is at congresses, and that usually means interstate/international travel, which is expensive.  Given this, and the fact I have a full time day job, I probably attend 3-4 congress-like events a year.

So why have I stopped chasing stars?  In short, my experience has been that it’s often a let down.  Allow me to elaborate upon why I think this is.

Expectations

I want to start with this, because I’m a big believer in taking personal responsibility.  This is probably the area that I’m in the best position to have some influence over the outcome.  Having realistic expectations about a dance, or just about anything in life, is generally going to lead to perceiving an experience as more positive.  However, let’s be real.  I’m only human.  While I try to consciously manage my expectations, I rarely succeed in doing this completely.  I still find it not hard to get caught up in the moment.  Having seen certain dancers on YouTube and doing performances that look amazing, and then finally seeing that person in the flesh for the first (and maybe last) time ever, it’s hard for me not to get my hopes up about how great it must be to dance with them.

The “Feeding Frenzy” Effect

Artists are in demand at congresses.  Even if their names and faces aren’t plastered all over the marketing material for the event, and they are just attending as a dancer, they are known, and a lot of people go to congresses to social dance with artists.  Obviously, at most events there are far fewer artists than non-artists.  This creates an interesting effect, where people literally line-up or form circles around artists, waiting for a chance to dance with them.  Sometimes it can get almost physical, with dancers vying for position towards the end of a song.  Personally, I refuse to line-up for a dance.  If there’s good music playing, I’m happy to take a chance and dance with a random person whom I’ve never danced with before, than to wait in line, hoping to catch an artist for a dance.

Artist Burn Out

The dance world is a super-competitive place, and event organisers demand a lot from their artists.  I really feel for the artists in this regard.  They will typically fly into an event, and there’s a good chance they are tired and/or jet-lagged.  Often, they are expected to be at events early for a full day of workshops and private classes.  Then comes tech rehearsal for the evening shows.  Then they are on stage for the evening shows.  Then there is the expectation that they make themselves available for a few hours of social dancing, which can last until 2 or 3 (or later) in the morning.  At bigger events, this is the typical schedule for 3 or more days/nights in a row.  Generally, most artists want to be professional and want to give their best all the time during events, but, under this kind of workload, combined with the lack of sleep, something has to give, and it’s usually the social dancing at the end of the night.  Artists are only human, and they get tired like anybody else.  This can make it pretty difficult to give 100% when social dancing, and can lead to some people misinterpreting this tiredness as a lack of excitement or interest (or even snobbiness or rudeness) on an artist’s part.

Over-dancing Artists

This is more of a problem for female artists, since they are far more at the mercy of their partner than are leads, and I really feel for them in this regard.  All too often, if a lead knows a female artist has great technique (and many of them do), they will take this as an invitation to throw as much technicality into the dance as possible.  Sure, sometimes super-technical dancing can be fun for both the lead and the follow, but it also requires a lot of concentration and energy.  Often the female artists get danced into the ground within the first hour of social dancing, so they don’t have much energy left later on in the night, which is a real shame.  From my observations, it’s not just the female artists that get over-danced, but most follows in general, but the effect is magnified for artists.

Connection

What I realised over time during my dancing journey, is that my most memorable and most enjoyable moments on the dance floor shared one important factor over everything else, and that is connection.  Unfortunately, it took me quite some time to figure out that it’s not possible to connect with every dancer during every dance, despite the best of abilities and intentions, and dancing with artists is no exception.  In my experience, artist status does not guarantee shared connection.  In fact, from experience, I am probably even less likely to share a connection with an artist for some of the reasons above.  It’s harder for people to connect with their partner when they’re dead tired and their feet are killing them.  It’s nothing personal.  It’s one of the down sides of salsa “fame”.  It’s a shame, but that is my observation.

So that is why I’ve stopped chasing stars.  The good news is that there are so many great dancers out there, known and unknown, that it really doesn’t matter to me anymore.  If I get the chance to dance with a known dancer, and we have a great dance (or not), fine.  If I spend all night dancing with random strangers, fine.  I know that I’ll probably have some great dances with great connection either way, and connection is what I’m really looking for these days.

See you on the dance floor…

Why bother with Bachata?

Richie Kirwan
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Why bother with Bachata?

I’m a salsero… but I dance Bachata too. It’s kind of like my “other dance”. You know, that thing I dance in between 4 or 5 salsas in a row. Something slower and more relaxed. Something for a change of pace to help break up a night of high energy salsa dancing. I think a lot of people look at it like that.

Now, some people dance kizomba or zouk as their “other dance” and that’s cool too. Of course, they’re different dances but they share some of the “common differences” that distinguish bachata from salsa. For the moment, however, I’m sticking with bachata (how mainstream).

The only thing is, I don’t want bachata to be my “other” dance.

For the longest time (almost as long as I’ve been dancing salsa) bachata has been my side dance, the Robin to salsa’s Batman, the biscuit to salsa’s tea, the popcorn to salsa’s movie… so to speak. What I mean is, I used to go out to dance “salsa” and it didn’t really bother me if I didn’t get to dance something else during the night. Sure, I always considered it a perk if I got to dance a slower, more sensual dance… as long as it was sandwiched in between a hefty hunk of rumba, guanguanco, son or mambo.

I feel differently about things now and a lot of that has to do with moving to Barcelona, Spain. Many of you probably already know that “Sensual Bachata” is hugely popular in Spain and that it’s greatly due to amazing couples such as Daniel & Desiree or Korke & Judith. Don’t get me wrong, I had seen people dancing bachata beautifully before I moved to Spain but when I did get here I saw it in a very different light.

Basically I finally understood what “Sensual Bachata” actually was and how it should look when it’s danced naturally i.e. not in some highly polished choreography created just for a show. To give you an idea of how popular Bachata is here, in Barcelona, for example it’s quite normal for a salsa venue to have a separate bachata/kizomba room which is something you would normally only encounter at a dance congress. In reality you could just spend the whole night in a haze of body rolls and interlocked legs (which many people actually do) if you were so inclined.

So why should you care?

What does it matter if some other people are getting their kicks from bachata? I just want to dance salsa…

If you’ve read any of my articles over on The Dancing Irishman you’ll know that I’m big into nutrition and exercise and I’ve written quite a few times about how I’m a firm believer that any physical endeavor will have benefits for others. Be it a martial artist learning dance or a gymnast learning surfing, learning new movement patterns helps improve our balance and proprioception.

Proprio…what now?

Proprioception is basically the sense which allows you to know where parts of the body are in relation to one another and how much force each part exerts when performing movements. From that brief definition it should be pretty obvious that proprioception is an ability absolutely essential to dance. It is and this is where you can start thinking of bachata as something more than just your “other dance”. This is why learning new styles of dance can help with your performance in others.

Towards a more complete dancer

The importance of dances like bachata or kizomba to your ability as a salsero stems from the difference in the leads employed. Putting things simply, the lead in salsa tends to be much more solid, definite and almost angular whereas that of bachata is much softer, more subtle and flowing. (Before some people jump down my throat for making that statement let me cover my a$$ by saying that I’m aware it’s a gross over generalization but it’s serving as way to simplify a concept. I am a fan of a subtle, light lead in salsa and I’m aware that many moves in bachata need to be performed forcefully to work).

Now that that’s out of the way… story time! Last summer I started taking dance classes again after an education-induced sabbatical from dance. However, I decided to do something I’d never done before and just signed up for bachata classes. Why? Well I wanted to focus on something other than salsa for a while, to give myself a new challenge and learn new skills… and that’s exactly what’s happening at the moment.

Now, I’m not going to say that bachata has completely revolutionized my salsa but I have noticed changes in my dancing in general that I’m very happy with and you should expect similar results yourself. To lead well in bachata, you need to become more familiar with how the body moves and flows naturally and how you can manipulate it while maintain the beautiful flow that is sensual bachata. Leading a body roll, big or small, guide a neck twirl and flick, leading from exotically slow into exotically fast movements… these are all skills that require lots of thoughtful and definite body contact in order to pull them off. Mastering those skills from bachata, due to their subtlety, makes your lead in salsa a touch easier and softer without being weak.

Another benefit I’ve found from dancing more bachata is that it has helped with my musicality. I have always found it easier to match the tempo of my movement with bachata music and dancing it more frequently, like any skill, has improved it a great deal. This is probably due to the slower rhythm of bachata music which gives dancers a little more time to “think on their feet” and employ their musicality. I feel that I now react better to changes in music, especially allowing it to control the movement that my body produces in response.

On top of all this, the type of body movement that bachata teaches is simply beautiful. Some detractors may say that there is a little over-relying on body rolls etc. but I feel that bachata offers much more than just body rolls when it comes to beautiful motions. Those kinds of movement can be translated to other styles of dance to make them look stunning. All in all, dancing bachata clearly has a lot to offer to anyone who wants to dance well, be it bachata itself or any other style of dance. On the other side, learning something as different as hip-hop could even help improve your bachata. As I said before, the skills learned in one are transferable to others.

More than a “side dance”

I started this article hoping to show that bachata is more than the side dance that many would consider it to be in the salsa-dominated latin dance world of today. Unfortunately I tried to show that by explaining how improving your bachata can improve your salsa. However, that just relegates bachata to the role of side-kick or assistance dance again. In reality, it’s much more than that and deserves respect in it’s own right as something more than capable of standing alone (as can be seen from the surge in bachata-centered events and congresses in recent years). If the article itself doesn’t convince you then just check out the videos I’ve added above.

To those of you who haven’t given bachata the credit it deserves as a stand-alone dance, try dedicating a few months to better your skills in it. At the very least you’ll improve as a dancer in general and you might even end up discovering a new favorite dance.

Keep dancing folks

 

 

Resolve to Master Your Learning

Rachel Cassandra
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Resolve to Master Your Learning

Ready to take your dancing to the next level?

Some of you are weary from past shortcomings, and may have declared that you don’t believe in resolutions because you’re doomed to fall short. Well, you’re wrong! Whoever you are, I invite you to believe that this year, you CAN achieve real progress in your dancing. Let me take you through several ideas that will help you master your learning.

A. Get the most out of class

Attending weekly classes is the most obvious way of improving in a dance, so it’s where most people start. There’s so much you can do to make a difference in your class experience, though!

First, make sure you take classes with a respectable teacher. Billy Myles of Kizomba Harmony wrote an excellent in-depth guide to finding a great teacher, but here’s a few questions to consider. What’s their claim to authority? Do they really know this dance form, or did they tack it onto their repertoire when the form got popular? Have they trained with someone reputable? For how long? How do other dancers in this form feel about this person? Do they have real teaching skills? Are their students able to dance well and chart their progress? Charles Ogar of Neo Kizomba recently drew attention to how many people confuse performance expertise, social dancing skills, and quality teaching. There are no absolute ways to judge that someone is an awesome teacher, but asking these questions should set you on the right path.

Next, consider your learning style. Most of us learn through a combination of visual, auditory, tactile, and experiential inputs, but we also tend to connect faster to certain types of instruction better than others. Similarly, teachers should try to teach across all learning styles, but will tend to favor their own preferred learning style. Some of that is cognitive, and some of it is cultural – I wrote previously about the idea of movement and non-movement culture learning. At the end of the day, it just makes sense to ask for what you need. Do you want to see the teacher dance it again? Would you like to have longer to practice the movement sequence? Do you need a verbal explanation of which muscle groups you should use or where the lead initiates from or how to follow through? Would you prefer to try it with music or with counts? Sure, you don’t want to be a needy student who is constantly redirecting the class, but a good teacher wants to make sure you are really getting the material they are trying to communicate. I tell my students: “If you feel like you want to ask, chances are someone else in the class does too, but is too shy – you may be helping more than just yourself!”

Personal engagement matters, too. Consistent attendance to class is another obvious point, but one with real value. If you really want to learn, make sure you set aside enough time to get to class on time every week that you can. Also, try to be analyzing the material you’re presented with, comparing it to what you already know (in this dance or another) and considering how you can integrate it into your dancing socially. How many times have you gone to a class, then realized the next week that you remember none of it? Try to go beyond memorizing the steps so that you can bring new material to the social dance floor.

B. Work with your peers

There is so much benefit to found in spending time with a practice partner or practice group. I often hear people complain that they can’t find someone to practice with, but I think many times people create unnecessary obstacles.
No one into your dance in your town? Infect others with your addiction. Invite a teacher to come do a demo or taster class, or drag a friend to a class when you go to an out-of-town festival.
Can’t find someone your level or better? Start working with someone at a lower level and help them catch up. They may surpass you if they’re more dedicated, anyway!
Feel like everybody’s already paired up? Ask about working in a small group. Everyone gets better at leading and following when they work with multiple people.
Can’t make things work on a regular schedule? Communicate regularly to find opportune times.

I have spent the last two years traveling a ridiculous amount with no partner, but I still make it a priority to take time with various people when I arrive in their cities. We go back and forth until we find a time and place we can meet and further our learning together.

So what should you do? A practice session is something between a class and a social dance. You set the goal(s) for that time with your partner or group.  Maybe there are some technique drills you want to try repeating, like “wi-fi lead and follow” or “walking chest-to-chest only” or “turning down the line.”

Maybe you want to experiment with creating variations on moves you’ve already learned. Maybe you want to practice dancing to faster music, or slower music. Maybe there’s a combination you videoed in class that you want to perfect. Give each other constructive feedback as you go: “I couldn’t tell if you wanted __ or __.” “That time you were really grounded.” “Maybe if you curved your fingers more, it would help us stay connected.”

Whatever you’re working on, I highly recommend recording yourselves on video. You will find habits you never realized you had! Knowing the problem is the first step to fixing it, after all. Plus, you’ll more easily be able to measure your progress. A particularly useful trick is to watch yourselves dance with the video’s audio turned off. It’s easy to see if you are keeping a rhythm and moving fluidly together when there is no sound. Of course, to see how musical you are being, you’ll need to turn it back on to find the “hits” and other elements.

Best of all, working with your peers forms wonderful bonds. My practice partners have gone on to be people with whom I do everything from cooking dinner or going hiking, to talking about relationships and dreams, to performing at festivals and teaching classes.

C. Continue learning on your own

  • There are so many things you can do to improve your dancing all by yourself. One of the most important is to listen to the music appropriate to your dance. Listen to it in the car, on the bus, when you’re running, when you’re cleaning – the more it gets into your mind, the easier it becomes to dance musically. When you have time alone, set yourselves some challenges as you listen:
  • Tap the beat consistently
  • Walk to the beat
  • Find the rhythm of a particular percussive element, then tap it
  • Try stepping according to that rhythm
  • Try tapping two rhythms, one with each hand
  • Move your upper body to accentuate one rhythm as your feet follow the other
  • Follow the line of a single instrument or vocalist, then see if you can hum along
  • Move around the room, trying to embody that instrument or vocalist
  • Dance with an imaginary partner, choosing which parts of the music you want to focus on in your movement

Having great technique in a partner dance is usually founded on mastering certain things by yourself. Every dancer could stand to do more balance exercises. Many dances require immense practice in order to do controlled turns. I couldn’t tell you the number of hours I spent back in 2011 in front of a mirror practicing salsa turns – literally hours every week. I spent a difficult hour at a tango festival trying to get through completely different turning exercises, and I know I need to devote many hours to walking around a chair if I’m ever going to make it though a milonga without embarrassment. Creating aesthetic arm shapes is another skill you can do alone in front of a mirror, particularly when it comes to smooth transitions between them. For kizomba, it took me months of daily solo strain to loosen up my lower back and find the flow of undulations…and then it was time to work on all the other amazing things we ladies do with our pelvis! I could go on and on with examples, but any teacher worth their salt can give you some exercises for “homework.” It’s up to you how much time you invest in them!

In the end, seeing real progress in your dancing is much more about making it enough of a priority to devote time to it than it is about any tips and tricks. Apply these ideas, but most of all, put the time in! That’s the real key to mastering your learning.

How to Find the 1!

Chilly Alisar
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2
How to Find the 1!

No – I am not talking about your soul-mate or if Neo in the matrix is actually the 1 (though I must admit that both of these would make for interesting posts), I am actually talking about how to find the 1 in music. Though you have to admit, sometimes when you are dancing, you realise that for some people finding the 1 can be just about as elusive as finding a soul-mate.

So let’s touch on some pointers and see if we can help some people out there to start dancing on the beat.

As a beginner and even sometimes for an even more seasoned dancer, finding the beat can be one of the hardest parts of learning to dance and is an aspect where a lot of people struggle. I personally was very lucky that coming from a dance background, hearing the music while dancing was never really an issue for me. However it took me a while before I could actually listen to the Music and dance. (Note: Hearing and Listening are 2 different things. Hearing implies simply being able to follow the structure of the song (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8), while Listening implies actually being present in the song, noticing the the different instruments and how the song ebbs and flows. Listening exists at a much higher plane than hearing and you should aspire to Listen to the Music as opposed to only hearing it.)

Now if you are having a problem finding the beat in the music, then this article is for you. Sometimes you will get people who talk crazy and say things like; ‘it does not matter which beat you are dancing on or even if you are dancing to a beat at all, just as long as you are having fun’. If you subscribe to this theory, please leave this post immediately! Dance is making Music into movement. Without the music there is no Dance.

If you can hear the music, good for you. If not, I believe you need to put in the time and learn to find the beat whatever that beat might be e.g. On1 or On2  and for those people that are willing to put in the time, let’s get to it….

Many people who are new to Salsa are able to do the basic step and basic turn patterns without much trouble. What proves to be more challenging though is doing those turn patterns on the beat, which for most Men is the hardest part about learning to dance.

How then can you learn to dance on time to the music? It turns out that there are a couple of tricks one can learn to help them figure out where the 1 starts.  After you have learned some of these simple tricks, you should then be able to start building your own dance beat intuition.

Listen to the Music

Listen to the music and eventually it will sink in. Even if you can already find the beat, hearing the music a lot will improve your listening as you learn to interpret the music & and start to develop a whole new level of appreciation for musicality.

Find the Bass Beat. The bass beat is the easiest beat to find as this is the beat that you would tap  along with on your steering wheel or that you would clap along too at a concert. However, note that 1 Bass beat = 2 salsa beats.

Listen to the different instruments; the claves, cowbells, timbales, conga, trumpets, trombones, bass guitar & piano. Changes in the music or the introduction of an instrument will usually occur on the ONE. As an example, normally you can hear the cowbell on the bass beat mentioned above.

Listen to the Melody. As you listen to the the music you will start to develop the intuition to predict changes in the melody. Listen for where the music is the loudest with a higher tone since most of the musical instruments come together at that beat which is the 1 just after a climax or low tone (Sometimes this is a dramatic noticeable change in the melody towards the end of the 8 count followed by a short silence on the 8 count which is also known as a break).

Listen to the Lead Singer

The lead singer is one of the easiest ways to find the 1st beat. Usually the Lead singer, and/or the chorus will start to sing on the “1” beat. Key word here is – Usually not Always.

Vocalize the music

Start being aware of the tempo (the speed at which to count the 8 beats) when listening to music. Then learn to vocalize either out loud or in your head each count – meaning 1,2,3,4, 5,6,7,8.

When you are dancing on “the 1″(or for that matter vocalizing 1,2,3..5,6,7…), you should feel a connection to the melody.

If you want some help on how to learn to count a Tempo, there is this really useful website;
http://www.metronomeonline.com/.

Set the speed to 144 bpm for a slow salsa tempo song and speed it up to 192 bpm and play with a few in-between.

Listen to the other Beats

After you get good at picking up the 1, you should then start to pick up the other 7 beats. The best way to do this is with a Clap Drill.

Pick a number from the beat, let’s say 5. Every time you hear the 5 beat just clap your hands together & keep doing this on the 5 until you can “feel” the 5 beat coming. Then go to another beat, let’s say 3 and clap your hands together to the 3. Keep clapping your hands on the 3 beat until you can “feel” the 3 beat coming.

By doing this every time you listen to  music, you will notice that you can pick up any beat, and keep your timing throughout the entire song.

Practice:

Listen and dance & listen and dance & listen and dance and eventually it will sink in.
Practice makes perfect. So practice! You can also find someone else in the class who wants to practice and work on it together.

If all else fails:

1. There are popular songs available where a person counts out the 8 beats as the song plays and may even explain the instruments as they are introduced. Find some of these songs, listen to them and pick up patterns and and pauses in the music and how everything comes in on the 1.

Download the Salsabeatmachine.org onto your PC or mobile phone. You can also download Pocket Salsa (from addicted2salsa) and play around with the rhythm section. (Thanks to Tomm for reminding me about this)

2. When you have time to kill in front of the computer watch salsa dance videos and try to see if you can see how the people match the rhythm and play with the music. This is only useful if you know what style the dancers dance on. Warning: Sometimes the sound is out of sync with the video.

3. When you get onto the dance floor, look at someone who you know has perfect timing and then copy when they hit the 1. (This should be a last resort because sometimes you may be the first person on the dance floor or that other person may be dancing on a different count. 😉 )

Do you have any other pointers that may have helped you to find the 1? Leave a comment and lets get everyone dancing to the Music.

Own Your Dance Insecurities!

Sarah Liz Vuong
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Own Your Dance Insecurities!

As I’ve mentioned in other articles I’ve written, I was rather awkward and shy when I began my adventures as a salsera. For many years, unfortunately, this slowed my progress because I was too self-conscious to move the way in which I wanted to be able to. Many of us have been plagued by insecurity on the dance floor and that needs to end now.

It’s a new year and that often comes with goals to be better versions of ourselves. Instead of changing aspects of ourselves that we don’t like, I’m going to propose a little more self-love. For a long time, I was insecure about my height as I was taller than most of my partners on the dance floor. It’s tough to hide when you’re tall, but that’s exactly what I wanted to do! Men would sometimes remark, “Oh, you’re really tall!” when I would dance with them and I always interpreted this negatively, even if it was just a neutral comment on their part. I would often tower over my partner when I wore heels and get smacked on the forehead while turning. My long, lanky arms would get in the way and I never knew where to put them. To make matters worse, it seemed as though all of the other women in my dance community were petite (with tiny feet!). Many of the professional dancers I admired were also quite small, despite their huge stage presence.

Instead of embracing my 5’9” stature, I made the mistake of trying to change it. I put away my beautiful high heels and started dancing in flats or short, Cuban heels, even though they made me uncomfortable. I would bend my knees or slouch when dancing with men who were shorter than me. I kept my arms low to my sides and did nothing to style them. This felt–and looked–terrible. My instructors kept telling me I was a beautiful dancer and that I should stop thinking so much, but my own insecurities outweighed their assurances.

One evening during a local salsa night, a stunning woman whom I had never met before arrived and became the life of the party. Her body movement was absolutely breathtaking and she truly had a style of her own. Most notably in that moment, she was at least a few inches taller than me and absolutely owning it. Her heels were remarkably high, her posture was exquisite, and her arms flowed purposefully around her, like water. I thought to myself, what are you doing??  You should be moving like her!

I’ve since become close friends with Tamra and her confidence is beautiful. We have taken many workshops together with wonderful, inspirational instructors. When we met Kathy Reyes and Francisco Junior, it was refreshing to get to know professionals who were so talented and confident, yet humble and willing to share their own stories of insecurities they have felt. Not only did they spend the weekend dancing with amateurs, but they approached us when they were in a pickle and needed some help. It was a relief to realize that no matter how successful dancers become, we share many of the same experiences.

Shortly after I met Tamra, she told me that I should join her posse of tall friends that she has cleverly named, “the salsaltas.” She smiled and laughed while claiming, “Yeah, a few of us girls are taller than everyone we dance with–but who cares?” For so long, I had been foolishly preoccupied with an aspect of my identity I should have embraced. I wish I had figured this out years ago. Who cares indeed.

I have seen other dancers with similar concerns all around me, everywhere I have danced. There are people who are too afraid to ask anyone to dance because they are beginners and they are worried they don’t have enough moves to use throughout a song. There are people who are preoccupied by their size–height or weight–who lack the confidence to dance the way they want to. There are people who are intimidated by other dancers and therefore discouraged to continue dancing. This has to stop. Whatever it is that is bothering you, own it. If it’s something you want to change because of your health, great, go ahead and embark on a journey of transformation. Until then, you are who you are and that is enough. When people compliment you, listen to them and accept it. When people criticize you, use it constructively but don’t let it get you down. Hold your head up high. I realize this is easier said than done, but a minor shift in perspective goes a long way.

My friend and dance instructor, Marissa, is someone I look up to in many ways. She sacrificed a great deal last year when she moved to New York in the pursuit of dance education. Now that she has returned to Saskatchewan to launch Marisabel Dance Company, she is giving women the opportunity to shine in her ladies’ styling class and performance group. Everyone is welcome, regardless of experience and ability and everyone has learned so much in the past few months.

The two of us have also decided to choreograph a duet and along with Tamra, a trio. We are all schoolteachers and around thirty years of age, but so what! It’s never too late to start a passion project and nobody is too old or too career-focused to hit the stage as a dancer. The experience has allowed me to let go of so much of what was holding me back for so many years and finally say, “Who cares what anyone thinks? I’m just going to dance!” These inspiring women have shown me how to embrace my insecurity and own it on the dance floor. Wherever you live, there are classes you can take and salsa nights you can attend where you will fit in and discover your confidence.

If you are already a confident dancer and you think you have nothing to worry about, wonderful. I’m happy for you! Just remember to consider other dancers’ feelings and recall how you felt when you took your first steps. I’ll never forget taking a workshop with the incredible Magna Gopal in Saskatoon and one of the participants asked her: “What if my partner is dancing off time? Should I stop dancing with them?” Her response was so thoughtful and poignant and advice that we should all consider: “It’s only a few minutes. You might be making that person’s night. So what if they’re not dancing on time? Connect with them anyway. I always remind myself it’s not about me. It’s about us.”

We can all learn to be more empathetic and compassionate and that will only contribute to each other’s confidence. Dance is about connection and progress, not perfection. Even world-champion and professional dancers have insecurities, but they have the confidence to combat their fears. Do you have what it takes to combat yours? If you look deeply enough within yourself, you surely do.

An Idiot’s Guide to Social Dance Etiquette: Part 2 (13 Tips)

Richie Kirwan
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An Idiot’s Guide to Social Dance Etiquette: Part 2 (13 Tips)

Howdy folks. I started this guide to dance etiquette (all that stuff that you never actually get thought about dance but have to learn the hard way) last month in Part One. I’ll continue the guide here, with Part Two to give you a more complete understanding of the intricacies of the “non-dance” part of dance.

Don’t pester people for dances

One of the great things about social dancing is the chance to dance with many other people.

However, even if you’ve really enjoyed a dance with someone, that doesn’t give you an excuse to repeatedly ask them out over the course of the night. Give them and yourself the chance to enjoy dancing with different people. They may even come and ask you for a dance later, saving you from doing it. If not, wait for a while after your last dance and then ask again.

Also, on the rare chance that someone says “no” the first time (or any time) you ask them, just leave it at that and don’t ask them again that night. It’s their loss.

Don’t clog up the dance floor

If the dance floor looks full, just “F#$K @FF” (I don’t normally swear at all but this point really gets to me).

I’m feeling particularly livid about this point as I write this post right now as someone did it to me last night (which was otherwise a spectacular night of dancing). There is nothing worse than, while your enjoying a dance with your partner, some inconsiderate idiot decides to “squeeze in” next to you and suddenly all that lovely space you had to dance (along with that of everyone else’s around you), disappears.

I’m a fairly easy going guy but when this happens I feel like rolling up my sleeves and unleashing pure, unadulterated fury on the idiot who just did the salsa equivalent of “cutting me off”.  Not only does it mean that both pairs (probably more) have less room to perform certain moves but it also increases the risk of collisions. This is more relevant in LA or New York style salsa as they both require a relatively long “slot” and room at the sides for complex hand movements and turns. In Latin America, people are used to dancing much more closely so the style of salsa (i.e. lack of intricacy or “smaller” moves) accommodates this.

So, do everyone a favor and either, find an area with more room to move or sit it out, wait for the next song and grab a space on the dance floor early. Otherwise you’ll have an angry Irishman to deal with.

If you’re not dancing, stay off the dance floor

Don’t be that rude, clumsy idiot who forces his way through a dance floor full of quick spinning couples, bumping into every one of them along the way and basically pissing everyone off.

I will admit, that depending on the salsa club itself sometimes traversing the floor to get to the bar, the restroom or even the exit , is unavoidable but you should always try to move around the outskirts of the dance floor avoiding the dancers as much as possible.

The same has to be said for people hanging out on the fringes of the dance floor; make yourself as small as possible, avoid the dancers and don’t get annoyed if some of them bump into you. Remember, you’re in their territory.

Acknowledging and Apologizing for a collision

Salsa is a free-moving, high-speed activity carried out by multiple pairs in a confined space. Collisions will happen.

The best way to deal with this is to acknowledge it, apologize and keep on dancing. Usually both pairs are, at least partially, to blame so both usually apologize to each other. When I say apologize I don’t mean that you need a long winded verbal apology either. When a collision happens simply catch the eye of the other pair, give them an apologetic look or nod and mouth the word “sorry”, end the interaction with a smile and keep on dancing. An apology should not require you to stop dancing (unless someone is sprawled out convulsing on the floor, which is quite rare… usually).

The rudest thing you could do is not to acknowledge the fact that you’ve bumped into someone. This is not the case in Latin American culture where in general the dance floors are much more tightly packed and light collisions are much more common. People just let it slide.

Amongst a dancing couple, incidents (stepping on someones toes, the odd elbow to the head etc.) happen too. In this case, providing you haven’t incapacitated your partner, just apologize, smile and keep dancing. Stopping would just draw too much attenuation to the incident. Also, you only need to apologize once, as constant apologies during a dance can be really annoying and take away from the fun.

It is always the man’s fault

The lead is the one responsible for guiding the dance and the lead is virtually always a man, thus logic states that if something goes wrong, it’s the man’s fault.

Usually if something goes wrong (an ill-timed move, a collision with another couple etc.) it is due to a lack of foresight or planning on part of the guy so gentlemen, just accept it and don’t get into an argument over it. This is why it’s usually the men who apologize to each other when something happens.

I will admit that there are occasions where the follow is clearly to blame for an “incident” but my policy is just to accept the blame and keep on dancing (anything for a quiet life). Suck it up guys; you’ll be taking the fall a lot.

Tie up your loose ends

This is one for the ladies (mostly). Although I think that hair spinning freely during a dance looks beautiful it can be a serious safety hazard. Do your partner a favour and tie it up or otherwise keep it under control. Getting a face-full of hair moving at full spinning speed during a dance really stings (and a plaited ponytail in the face feels somewhat similar to getting hit with padded nunchuks). This can really mess up a leads concentration not to mention the risk of hair getting caught in someone’s fingers or watchstrap during a spin. Keep it under control ladies.

While on the point of wildly spinning hazards I should mention this; DO NOT DANCE WITH A HANDBAG.

They are not only a hell of a lot harder than the most unruly ponytails but their long straps mean they pose a risk to surrounding couples too. Either leave it with a friend or, as salsa scenes in Europe, Asia and the U.S. are quite safe and friendly places, leave it at your table, maybe under a coat and go and enjoy your dance without the deadly weapon. Really, handbags have no place on the dance floor.

Help your fellow dancer

If someone ever asks you for your advice or guidance on salsa matters, consider it a compliment that they admire your abilities or style of dancing and do what you can to help them out.

I know that when I started out, I was full of questions (I still am) and I am very grateful to all the people who have helped me to improve my salsa over the years. The same is probably true for you so do the right thing; be friendly and help out the next generation of salseros.

Don’t start teaching on the dance floor

I’ve witnessed this scene many a time; a couple are dancing together, usually for the first time, when suddenly one of the partners notices the other is not behaving the way they would like them too and decides to stop the dance to “teach” them how to do it correctly. They have just ruined a perfectly good dance.

I know one particular guy, a spectacular dancer and highly regarded amongst other dancers in the scene, who does this constantly. So much so that the image of him stopping a dance to “teach” his “inexperienced” partner, is burned into my mind. I’ve spoken with some of these girls after the fact and all of them have said the exact same thing “It’s nice to learn something new but it’s so annoying when he stops the dance”.

I’m not innocent of doing this myself, but only when I’m asked to explain it by my partner and usually the most “teaching” I’ll do during a dance is to say “try relaxing you shoulders a little”.

A dance is supposed to be enjoyed and it’s hard to do that when your partner keeps stopping the dance to point out how badly you’re dancing. There is a time and a place for it but it most certainly is not during a social dance.

Smile

Salsa is meant to be fun so show your partner that you’re enjoying yourself with the easiest method possible; smiling.

For a lot of people, however, it’s not as easy as it sounds. When I first started dancing I used to concentrate so much on getting the moves right that I constantly needed to be reminded by my partners to smile (I still forget to do it sometimes).

It may not seem like much but showing your partner that you’re enjoying the dance makes them feel more secure that they’re dancing well.

Off the dance floor, smiling also makes you a lot more approachable and increases the chance that someone will ask you to dance. I remember one regular on the scene in Dublin who I have never asked to dance because she never smiled (and because she scared me a little).

Don’t dance TOO close

Pair dancing, by it’s very nature, means that 2 people need to move together in close physical proximity while holding on to each other. This is not an excuse to take advantage. When dancing with someone for the first time you should always be more conservative and maybe later, if your partner gives you an indication that it’s ok to do so, gradually move a little bit closer.

I learned to dance salsa and bachata in a small city in Japan where close physical contact is not the norm. So, you can imagine my surprise when I first saw people dancing bachata, almost erotically, in a club in the metropolis that is Hong Kong. Then I got to experience it first hand with a local woman who insisted on dancing closely. Thank God the dimmed lights in the club hid how much I was blushing.

When I lived in Cali, dancing close is the norm and it was there that I learned to dance close salsa (Salsa de la alcoba i.e. bedroom salsa) and now I love dancing it with my close friends. But at first, dancing close did make me a little uncomfortable so don’t dance too close to someone that either you don’t know or that is not used to it. Don’t be like the woman who I once danced with at a salsa congress in Ireland who during a dance, suddenly thrust my body towards hers, practically forcing our crotches together and insisted that that was the “real” way to dance bachata.  I finished the dance and quickly shuffled off the dance floor feeling a little dirty and with a face that told anyone who saw it “I have just been violated”. I was so innocent before that dance.

On Flirting

Salsa can be a very sensual dance. I said CAN, not SHOULD.

Unfortunately there are some people who misunderstand the close proximity of dancing as an excuse to “try it on” with every girl who agrees to dance with them. If you’re one of those people, stop being a creep give up dancing and give speed dating (or something like that) a try.

I’ll happily admit that a little bit of flirting can really add to the fun of a dance but I’ll only do it with someone who I know well and who I know is comfortable with it. The truth of the matter is, the vast majority of the people who go dancing are there to dance and not to pick someone up that night.

Adjust your level to your partners

You can never really be sure about someone’s level until you dance with them for the first time, especially if you haven’t even seen them dance before.

You should always start out slowly and with the basics, get a feel for how your partner is reacting and then, gradually and slowly start incorporating more complex moves. If you get the feeling that your partner isn’t handling those complex moves well it’s time to ease off the accelerator and continue the dance with slightly more basic moves. If you don’t control the level you not only risk hurting someone’s pride but you also risk physically hurting them if they don’t know how to react to a certain move.

When dancing with someone with a lower level you should do all you can to ensure that they enjoy the dance so that doesn’t mean you should try as many intricate combinations as possible. This will only end up with them feeling incompetent and disheartened. Lead them through moves they can follow and they’ll finish the dance feeling great and feeling that they’re improving.

Say Thank You

It’s common courtesy. When the song ends and you stop dancing, smile, look your partner in the eye and say a sincere “thank you”. Then take them by the hand or the shoulder and lead them off the dance floor.
Congratulations, you’ve just completed a successful dance… +100 EXP Points.

After reading through these points it should be pretty clear from its frequency of use that “smiling” (and similarly eye contact) are some of the most important things you can do while dancing so get those pearly whites and those pretty peepers working.

What do you think of this list? Is there anything you feel I’ve left out? Let me know in the comments.

Keep Dancing Folks.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: Knowing When It’s Time To Leave Your Dance Class

Melissa West-Koistila
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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: Knowing When It’s Time To Leave Your Dance Class

I have spent a great deal of my life happily sweating it out in one dance studio or another. Over the past several years, I have been fortunate to study with a variety of amazing dance teachers whom have all contributed to my growth as a person and as a dancer.

However, there have been a few instances in which I have chosen to part ways with a particular dance teacher or class. While some of these separations were fairly painless, others were almost gut-wrenching due to the relationships I’d built with my teacher and fellow classmates.

As difficult as it may be – sometimes it’s necessary for your personal well-being to leave your current dance class and find a new one. Dance classes are not “one size fits all,” and sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find a class that really works for you.

It may be time to bid your current dance class “adieu” and find a new one if you find any of the following scenarios familiar:

  1. You believe that you know more about dancing than your dance teacher;
  2. You’ve been taking classes for a significant period of time but see no measurable improvement;
  3. You notice that your class has become more about “the drama” than about the dancing;
  4. You feel as if your dance class is bringing you down instead of lifting you up;
  5. You want to try something new, or you just need to take a break.

If You Think You Know More Than Your Dance Teacher

If you truly believe that you know more about dancing than your dance teacher, then it is time for you to find a different class.  Even if this is a completely delusional belief on your part, it is still time for you to go. Once you start thinking this way, you will be resistant to learning anything your dance teacher tries to teach you. Even if you are not openly expressing your thoughts to your fellow classmates, you may unknowingly be acting in a way that is potentially disruptive to the entire class.

I will never forget something that I witnessed a couple of months after I first began taking salsa lessons.  I was participating in a ladies’ shine class taught by a popular local dance teacher. During the course of the class I noticed that there was one student who would continually deviate from the pattern being taught by the teacher. Whenever the teacher would attempt to correct her, this student would ignore the correction and begin arguing with the teacher about “proper” technique. As the class progressed the student gave up any pretense of following the classroom sequence and just did her own thing. I kept waiting for the student to walk out of the class, but she seemed determined to stay in an attempt to embarrass and mock the teacher.

When the teacher turned away to set the music for the final sequence this student took the opportunity to move ahead of the teacher, to the very front of the classroom. The teacher was obviously shocked by this blatant show of disrespect but kept her cool as she ignored the student and continued to lead the sequence. The next four minutes were painfully uncomfortable for everyone present and seemed to go on for an eternity.

When the song finally ended I quickly gathered my stuff and practically ran out of the room. To this day, I don’t know what happened after class between this student and the teacher, but I do know that I never saw the student in that teacher’s class ever again.

If You Keep Taking Classes But You Don’t Seem To Improve

No two people learn anything at the exact same rate, and this especially holds true in regard to dancing. Some folks have natural dancing ability or may have previous dance training which enable them to learn at a fairly quick pace. Other people may have never danced in their lives, or have difficulty listening to unfamiliar music, and will struggle to keep up with the rest of the class. Whatever the case may be, it is a certainty that some students will progress at a faster rate than others.

However, at some point – if you are going to dance class, regularly practicing/social dancing during the week, listening to music etc., – you should eventually notice that your ability to dance is improving. If it is not, this may be a sign that you need to find a different dance class. 

It may be that the class is too advanced for you or that the teacher’s method of communication is not one that works best for you. You might be someone that would benefit from private instruction rather than participating in a group setting. Or, you may be in need of a kinder, gentler class if your teacher is a fan of the “tough love” approach to teaching dance.

Regardless of the kind of teacher you have, you should be willing to honestly evaluate your own efforts and attitude towards learning to dance. If you need to re-enroll in the Beginner class because you’re not feeling confident enough to take the Intermediate class, go back to the Beginner class. There is no point in learning more advanced “moves” when you do not understand timing or basic musicality. Nothing is more important than learning the basics and everyone will respect you for taking your time to learn how to do things the right way.

If Your Class Is More About The Drama Than The Dancing

Drama and adult dance classes tend to go hand in hand for some reason. I don’t know if it’s due to people being excited about being legally able to touch strangers of the opposite sex, but whatever it is, drama is ever present in the salsa scene. While a little bit of drama/gossip/intrigue is harmless, once your dance class has become one long episode of “Days of Our Lives” it is time to depart.

A few years ago, I was taking a dance class that I really enjoyed. The teacher was a lot of fun and I looked forward to attending his class every week. However, the good times soon came to an end when a new female student caught the eye of the instructor.

At first, the teacher and student tried to be discreet about their personal relationship, but this soon became the world’s worst kept secret. The teacher quickly elevated this woman from “student” to “co-instructor” of the class, even though she was the least experienced female dancer in the room. As you can imagine, this did not sit well with the other female students in the class.

The quality of the classes began to directly correlate to the quality of the relationship between the teacher and the female student. If things were going well in their relationship, the classes would be fairly enjoyable. However, if things were “off” between them, tension would fill the air. Sometimes the female student would be happy and giggly, whereas at other times it seemed like she might burst into tears. As this D-list drama became more and more exhausting, students began dropping out of the class. Eventually, so few students remained that the teacher dissolved his once thriving dance class.

I am completely aware that love and lust can bloom anywhere/anytime and I certainly don’t think it is taboo for an adult dance teacher to become romantically involved with a consenting, adult dance student. However, when this situation occurs the teacher must take extra precautions to keep things strictly professional. When these precautions are not taken, a teacher’s obvious romantic affections towards a student can make everyone else in the class feel extremely uncomfortable. If this is happening to you, it’s definitely time to seek out a new dance class.

On a related note – if your dance teacher is making unwanted sexual/romantic overtures towards you it is absolutely time to leave your class. While I haven’t experienced anything incredibly traumatic in this regard, I did have one strange experience which I do want to share.

While visiting a nearby city for a work conference not too long ago, I decided to participate in a bachata workshop near my hotel. Things started out normally, but during the middle of the workshop, one of the female instructors attempted to fondle and sexually proposition me. I have to say – this was weird as hell.  I mean, if I want someone to smack my butt and whisper naughty things in my ear, I’ll go home and flirt with my husband. Anyway, I politely disengaged myself from this woman and quickly exited the building. While I can laugh about this crazy lady now, it still doesn’t make her behavior any more appropriate. It is bad enough to experience groping on the social dance floor, but it is absolutely unacceptable when the groping comes from your dance instructor.

If The Class Is Bringing You Down Instead of Lifting You Up

Dancing is supposed to be fun.  Dancing is supposed to be joyous. While I often choose to write articles about some of the negatives of “dance life,” please believe me when I tell you that for me, dancing is pretty much the equivalence of happiness. The buzz one achieves from having a great dance is what makes Latin dancing so addictive. So, if you are consistently leaving your dance class feeling angry, sad, or emotionally drained you are probably in the wrong class.

Over the years I have actually seen people crying before, during, and after certain dance classes. These tears usually appeared to be the by-product of some kind of frustration, fear, or anxiety. I remember one woman in particular who used to sob her eyes out after almost every class because she felt that she wasn’t “as good as” the rest of the students.

If this is happening to you, please drop out of whatever class you’re taking and find a new one. Dancing is meant to relieve stress, not cause it. Do research, talk to other students, check the internet, and find a class that will set you on the joyous path that dance provides for so many of us.

If You Want To Experience Something New Or Just Take A Break

Sometimes, there is nothing negative about the class you are currently taking, but you feel a desire to spread your dance wings and learn something new. I did this about four years ago when I decided to branch out from linear salsa and begin taking classes in Cuban son and casino. I know that I hurt the feelings of my long-term salsa instructor when I left her class, but it was something I felt that I needed to do for my own personal development.

Ultimately, this choice to expand my dance horizons was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  While I will always enjoy dancing salsa and mambo – son, Cuban chachacha, and casino have become the true loves of my dance life. I am so glad that I allowed the restlessness I was experiencing in linear dancing to lead me to discover something new rather than to drop out of dancing altogether. So, if you need to seek out a new class to continue evolving as a dancer, don’t let fear of disappointing your current teacher stop you from making a needed change.

If you’re really starting to feel burned out by your dance class, sometimes the best thing you can do is just take a break from class altogether. While I’m a big advocate of dance classes, some of my friends (who are amazing dancers) haven’t taken a regular dance class in years. They prefer to improve their skills on the social dance floor and just take the occasional workshop. For more experienced dancers, this approach to dance education certainly seems to make a lot of sense.

In summary: the breakup of any relationship, whether it is with your significant other, your hairdresser, your auto mechanic, or your dance teacher, can be an awkward or slightly painful situation. However, the temporary pain caused by the breakup is a price worth paying. Any dance class you regularly attend should make you feel intellectually stimulated, happy, and safe.  If your dance class is missing any of these qualities, it may be time for you to make your exit.

Hoping to Inspire

Sarah Liz Vuong
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Hoping to Inspire

Are you a social dancer with a desire to perform or compete? Do you think you have what it takes or are you unsure of where to begin? Perhaps you could use some inspiration. Two dancers from Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada are working hard to prepare for the World Latin Dance Cup (WLDC) later this month. While Regina may not be a North American salsa hub like L.A., New York, or Toronto, the dance community here continues to expand and many dance schools are thriving. Vaughn Wlodarczyk and Chloé Dufour are two dancers from Latin Fusion Studio and they will undoubtedly put Regina, SK on the Latin dance map.

There it is!

I had the pleasure of interviewing these two about a month prior to their departure. I was grateful they took the time out of their very busy schedules to chat with me. Both work full time, teach dance lessons, and are currently “amping it up” during their rehearsals by practicing anywhere between twelve to fifteen hours each week. This is easily three times the amount of time they usually spend in the studio. Vaughn and Chloé are preparing a routine as a couple and Chloé will also be competing in the solo division. Although Chloé has been dancing for over twenty years as a ballerina and for four years as a salsera, Vaughn entered the salsa scene only three years ago with no prior dance experience. He is certainly proof that one does not need to start dancing at a young age in order to make it as a performer. The two joined the Latin Fusion Studio team in 2014, then began performing as a couple in January, 2015. In one year, they have come a long way. In my conversation with them, it became clear that their core principles as artists have helped them on their journey; these are four habits which any dancer must consider in order to develop the potential to perform and compete.

Set goals

Chloé and Vaughn are constantly striving to become better dancers. Despite their short time working together, they decided they wanted to dance competitively after a goal-setting discussion with their team. Chloé describes how although it was one of Vaughn’s goals to compete, it was not originally one of hers. She wanted to perform as a solo artist after being encouraged by a teammate. She was told the preparation would help her become a better dancer and give her the opportunity to work on her shines. She started to do some research on ladies’ salsa solos and as she watched some of the routines, she noticed there was a competitive element and the dancers were incorporating jazz and ballet moves.

She reflects upon the experience and says, “I was like, oh! I think I could do it! I think I could create a fusion for myself.” So, the two continued to research competitive dancing, talked about it some more, and then they went for it. As a couple, they were encouraged to compete by their friends and mentors from Cubanisimo Dance Company in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Regan Hirose and Harold Rancano. Regan and Harold thought competitive dancing would help launch Chloé and Vaughn, to help them get better faster and amp up their discipline and dedication. So, they said, “Why not?” and reached their goal by qualifying for the WLDC at the Saskatchewan International Salsa and Bachata Congress last May.

Seek professional advice.

A great teacher is essential for every dancer, but especially those who want to improve and refine their art. Both Vaughn and Chloé emphasize the importance of going back to the fundamentals, suggesting that all dancers must develop a strong foundation, then build off of that. Chloé urges dancers to consider: “Taking classes [is important] because you can always think that you’re doing it properly but without an instructor to guide you and let you know what you think you’re doing right is not so right…go back to the basics and get everything broken down.” Vaughn and Chloé have been inspired by many dancers, but Harold and Regan have been their constant mentors as there aren’t many accessible professionals to consult with in prairie Canada. Another Canadian friend and mentor is Mario Acosta-Cevallos of SalsaVitus dance company in Edmonton, Alberta. Both Vaughn and Chloé describe how their experiences with professional dancers have been a fundamental aspect of their learning process. For instance, Jhon Narvaez and Liz Rojas from Salsamania Dance Company have been very helpful throughout their journey. With a smile, Chloé says, “What would I do without Jhon? He’s really encouraging, he always says ‘keep going, keep working.’ Jhon’s our ‘Yoda!’” In addition, Magna Gopal came to Saskatchewan to teach workshops and perform earlier this year and Vaughn describes dancing with her as a highlight in his dancing career. He adds, “You see all these videos with [Magna] performing and dancing socially with all these great dancers…she was so graceful on the dance floor and to be able to dance with her was an honour.” Vaughn also admires Scarlet Sanchez Fuentes and Patrick Moriarity from Dance Vancouver (and the Dance Dojo online) and hopes he will be able to meet them someday.

Go out and dance!

Part of being able to meet and take classes with professional dancers is travelling to other communities. Vaughn and Chloé look forward to travelling to Miami for the WLDC and in the past, they have had many opportunities to travel and learn. In the pursuit of dance, they have gone to Canadian destinations such as Saskatoon, Prince Albert, Winnipeg, Calgary and Toronto and American destinations such as San Francisco, LA, San Antonio, and Dallas. Chloé describes the LA Bachata Festival as her personal favourite, saying “California stole my heart that time–you can write that!”

She went to Dallas most recently, dancing the night away until 6 AM and “It was wild!” Vaughn hopes to be able to travel to New York, Las Vegas, and Europe (Milan and the Netherlands) in the near future. With their upward slope of hard work and success, I have no doubt they will continue to share their talent all over the world.

“Dig in” and never give up.

Although dancing is a passion for these two, preparation for competition does not come without struggle. If you are hoping to compete someday, it is important to be aware of this reality. Both admit it can be hard to find balance, especially staying alert and pushing through late practices after working all day. “Dig in, we say that a lot!” Chloé says with a smile. It can be a strain on relationships as well, as dance takes up so many hours each day. Vaughn mentions how, “The time you do spend with family is precious.” Luckily, both dancers have family and friends who are very understanding. They describe how community support has been wonderful. Friends from all corners have reached out by attending their fundraisers and contributing to their Go Fund Me page. Chloé adds that although training for competition is hard work, it is possible. It takes a great deal of sacrifice including sleep, time, and money, but it’s possible.

Vaughn is looking forward to the WLDC as “the experience of a lifetime,” and both dancers anticipate how incredible it will be to get to see some of their favourite performers in person. Chloé closed our interview by saying, “We’re really excited and we are going to do the best that we can, coming from the middle of nowhere…We are hoping to inspire.” I think it’s clear they have already inspired many. Good luck, Vaughn and Chloe! Your friends in the Latin Dance Community will all be cheering for you!

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