I’ve said it time and time again and it continues to be one of the greatest truths I’ve discovered while dance salsa:
“You learn the moves in the classroom but you learn to DANCE on the dance floor”.
No amount of time spent taking salsa classes will actually make you a good dancer. That transformation happens doing the real thing, with real people on a real dance floor. That’s where the refinement and neuro-muscular programming happens. Where you tweak a turn pattern so it actually works for you and the people you dance with (or at least with most of them).
I’m not bad-mouthing classes
That said, I still consider classes an essential part of a salseros training. Personally, I’m a slow learner, initially. It takes me a while to pick up a new combination and even when I do, unless I regularly practice it socially I’ll forget it pretty quick. Good classes allow people the time to pick up a new pattern and hopefully provide the instruction required by everyone (at one point or another) to overcome any difficulties with certain movements.
Basically, it’s great to have a move or pattern broken down for you and methodically explained by people who know what they’re doing. That’s why people are willing to pay for salsa classes and why they are often a central component of any dance community (there are a lot more reasons to do classes but that’s for another article).
Get your money’s worth
However, if you’re going to take classes, you need to play your part to actively learn as much as possible while there and I recently noticed an equal but opposite pair of mistakes made by men and women when taking classes.
I finally restarted taking classes again after an extended break while doing my masters and last week I was made very aware of a huge problem that is probably rife in dance classes around the world.
Ladies, I’m calling you out
Don’t worry, I’m gonna have a word with the guys in a minute but I’m going to start at the source of the problem.
Ladies, you need to stop back-leading in class!!!
Back-leading (when a follow leads herself into an expected turn) does not do dancing any favors, neither in the classroom nor socially. That said, it’s perfectly understandable why it happens so regularly. When a women is evolving as a dancer, she naturally develops a certain ability to predict certain movements on the floor when social dancing. To a point, this can make social dance more fluid but, let’s be honest, no one is right all the time so back-leading can often lead to mistakes or accidents of the social floor.
Back-leading becomes even more prominent in classes because people are specifically learning one, limited turn-pattern and by the end are expected to have it memorized. So naturally, during a class, women (the follows) may unconsciously end up back-leading the move the couple is trying to learn.
The problem with this is two fold:
Firstly the man never truly learns how to lead the pattern. He simply learns to move his arms in accordance with his follow who is leading for him
Secondly, the woman doesn’t truly learn how to react to a real lead. She comes to rely too much on her ability to “predict” what is coming next… and that’s just not salsa, baby.
I’ll give you my own example from the class that was the inspiration for this article. I was in a new class that was practicing a pattern that they had started the week before (I didn’t make that class last week) so I had never seen it before. The teachers kindly got me up to speed and we started working on the rest of the pattern. Near the end of the class we were all practicing the finished pattern and there was one girl in the class who I was dreading my turn with. She was a good dancer and had clearly memorized the entire move. So much so that when it came to dancing with her, I didn’t have to do much… she pretty much just lead herself through the pattern. At this point I got frustrated (as I have been known to do on occasion 😉 ) and I stopped mid move, looked her in the eyes and asked (very politely) in spanish “Could you let me lead the move, please”. She opened her mouth and looked like she was about to chew me out but suddenly, she backed down, softened her expression, looked me in the eye and said “OK, sorry”.
She realized right away that I was right in what I was asking. She was back-leading and it wasn’t helping. Long story short, I learned the move but will probably have lots of awkward moments with that girl in the future. I can live with that.
As for you men!
Man the F up! Don’t allow yourself to be lead by your follow. That does not mean that you become all controlling in the dance; it does not mean that you can be rough with your partner; it does not mean that you can be a jerk and verbally attack your partner if she back-leads.
What it means is that you need to lead with confidence and skill, both on the dance floor and in class. Remember, if a woman gets a clear, confident lead from a man she won’t feel the need to back-lead. It’s up to you to make sure she doesn’t feel the need to lead herself.
Check yourself!
Ladies, the next time you’re in class, if you catch yourself back-leading, stop yourself right there and leave it up to the lead to do his job.
Equally, gentlemen, if you feel that a woman is back-leading in class, ask her, politely, to allow you to lead. She should understand immediately and if she doesn’t, tell her to talk to me… (nervous laugh)! Then do your damn job and lead her well, like you’re supposed to.
In social dancing, we have a lot of hang-ups around “No.” We feel bad when we say it, and we feel even worse when we hear it. It pokes at the well of hurt we have accumulated from every rejection, and prods our insecurities.
We have different strategies for avoiding this devastation. We pride ourselves on agreeing to every dance. We teach our beginners that they should dance with everyone. We shame others as elitists when they appear selective in their choice of partners. We avoid rejection by agonizing over when the right moment is to approach someone for a longed-for dance – not if they’re taking a break, not if they’ve just danced too many in a row, not if they are talking to a cute dancer, not if they’re queuing up a song…
Each scene has its own quirks, but they all have this quivering fear of the dreaded “No.” I went through all of these ideas as I was learning to dance, and had a pretty well-developed system for sidestepping a “No.” When I failed I often felt miserable, or resented the person…
– until a few years ago, when in the blues dance scene I started to hear about “Safe Spaces” and “Consent Culture.” While at first I assumed they were all about reporting sexual misconduct and protecting people from harassment, I soon realized what they proposed included subtly radical concepts that have the potential to totally transform our social dancing culture. These are huge topics that I won’t be unpacking in depth, but I encourage you to read further. Today I’ll be sharing two main ideas with you:
1. You are always allowed to say “No.”
2. Hearing “No” doesn’t have to be a big deal.
Part 1: Delivering the “No”
This might seem strange at first, but let’s consider a few of the reasons you might not want to dance at any given point in time, starting with some reasons that have nothing to do with the person asking you:
– You want to say hello to some people you know
– You want to greet some new people
– You’re tired and want to sit down
– You’re thirsty; time to get some water
– You need to visit the restroom
– You’re hot and want to cool off
– You’re starting to get sweaty and want to dry out
– You want to change shirts
– You want to change shoes
– You don’t like this style
– You hoped to dance this style with someone in particular
– This song brings up memories that make you want to dance with certain people
– This song brings up painful memories
– You want to talk to the DJ
– You want to thank the organizer
– You have a question for a teacher
– You want to talk to that cute dancer
– Your friend needs cheering up
– You had a hard day and want to dance with people that you are close to
– You have reached your limit for interactions with strangers for the day
– You just received some tough feedback and want to dance with people you are comfortable with
– You want to dance with people that you don’t usually see
And then of course there are the occasional times when it IS about that person, at least in part:
– They are wearing perfume or cologne that will make it difficult for you to breathe
– They just ate something that you are allergic to
– They are really sweaty
– They have an inescapable odor
– They have previously hurt you on the dance floor
– They have previously behaved in a sexually inappropriate way
– Your friend is in love with them and you are steering clear
I’m sure we could think of a truckload more! I remember visiting a house party in DC and on the walls they had listed several possible reasons someone might turn down a dance. The thing is, we all experience these things. Your feelings and needs are valid; just be honest with the person asking you and say, “No, thank you.”
Now, when I say be honest, I don’t mean you necessarily need to go into detail. If you really are just needing to grab a quick cup of water, and you intend to seek that person out for the following song, feel free to say so. But I think we all know how tricky it can be to find someone if the social is of a reasonable size. Even with the best intentions, we might leave someone feeling even more disappointed. And lying is even worse. Don’t say “I’m sitting this one out,” and then hit the floor with the next person who asks you.
You have to figure out where your comfort level is. I don’t have a problem letting people know that my allergies would interfere with my enjoyment of a dance with them, but I am less likely to tell someone that they reek. In any case where you don’t feel moved to provide a specific reason, stick to that simple “No, thank you.”
Part 2: Accepting the “No”
We have to let go of entitlement. Showing up to a social dance does not give you the right to dance with every other person who came. Regardless of your gender, sexual orientation, dance level, stylish dress, long-term commitment to the scene, or any other factor, you do not deserve to dance with any given person at any given time.
Yes, I personally think that teachers should do their best to dance with their students, and everyone should try to make newcomers and beginner dancers welcome, and we shouldn’t systematically exclude any one individual. However, that should come out of a desire to build the community, not a resigned obligation or fear of shaming.
Imagine if we could go to the social even when we’re feeling a bit tired or blue, and not worry about being totally drained by the demands of others. Imagine if everyone felt safe on the dance floor, and wasn’t trying to dance defensively to simultaneously ward off a partner’s unfortunate actions AND the condemning eye of those who might see you refuse that dance.
Imagine if every time we asked someone for a dance, or agreed to a dance, we knew that it was because both of us WANTED that dance.
So when someone says, “No, thank you,” just take it in stride and ask someone else to dance. Don’t take it personally, and don’t badger someone for a reason. Keep in mind the numerous possible reasons that might be behind that “No.”
A Note for my Kizomba Dancers
I had the privilege of interviewing Tania Mendonca a few months ago. We touched on this topic, and I want to share with you her perspective as an Angolan emigrant who danced as an adolescent in Portugal and who now teaches professionally in the UK and internationally: “You never have to say yes to a dance. We don’t have the concept of dancing with every single person in the club. We don’t have the idea, ‘I’m out to go dancing.’ We went out to socialize, to dress up, to see friends, AND to dance.”
I don’t know about you, but I like the sound of that!
*Note: Fighting my own preferences as a teacher of English, I have used the singular “they” to avoid inserting gender into these situations.
As a member of the new generation of Latin social dancers, I have come to rely upon Facebook as an information platform for upcoming events, socials and workshops for dancing. And as a college student, scrolling through Facebook is a conscious act of procrastination and rebellion that may be detrimental. But one night of laziness and a wandering eye from my studies proved instead, to be provide an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.
My excitement couldn’t be contained when I saw that one of my favorite DJ’s would be playing at a local club in Long Beach.
David Rodriguez, better known by his stage name, DJ Soltrix, is becoming a well-loved artist in the international bachata scene for his modern, catchy, and fun bachata remixes.
After a few Facebook messages, I was able to arrange for a very last minute interview with the man behind my favorite bachata remixes of popular radio hits, such as Disclosure and Sam Smith’s “Latch,” Magic’s “Rude,” and Lana Del Ray’s “Young and Beautiful.”
Dressed in a red dress shirt and back vest, I found the twenty-nine-year old Floridian easy to talk to, with his warm and energetic demeanor.
And, although I had a list of hurriedly scribbled questions written down, I would find that the formal interview would fade, and turn into an interesting conversation instead.
How did you start [mixing music for Latin social dancing]?
Soltrix: “I actually started by accident.
My father was a radio announcer back in the day, so he had his own little mini studio at his house and I would always be in there as a kid, just trying to mess with the music and edit down things, and see what I could do: create a beat—you know, just have fun with it. And DJ-ing came kind of easy for me; surprisingly, I felt like it was there, waiting for me. And from there, I started getting more serious about it, about money for college and going to school for digital production.
I went to International Academy of Design and Technology and that’s where I learned some of the production skills I know. Back in the day, I was only into dance music [EDM, house, techno]; I didn’t know too much about Latin.
I got invited to do a quince, and I’m like ‘Um, okay yeah, I have Spanish background but, uh, you sure you want to hire me? I mean, because all I know how to do is dance and techno music. But then I decided, ‘Okay, I’ll try it.’ Back then I literally only had two Spanish songs: Joe Arroyo’s ‘Rebellion’ and Los Hermanos Rosarios’ La Dueña del Swing.
So I did the party; everyone had fun. It just kind of blossomed from there, and I became known in my community locally for mixing music—Latin—and then I went into production and got more involved in it.”
What was your first club experience like?
Soltrix: “Well, it was Latin surprisingly—that was about a year after the quince. I got booked at this little small bar in Tampa. It was called Black Beans, and it was mostly known for salsa dancing. Bachata wasn’t that big back then, but [there was] a lot of salsa, merengue, reggaeton. It was quite an experience because all of my family went out there, and they were there to cheer me on, and it was kind of magical for me [chuckles]. I always remember that night; it was great to see everyone there supporting me.”
Like many others, Soltrix was introduced to Latin music through his family and their cultural practices. He also danced at home, but now is taking formal dance classes for more learning and practice. Soltrix believes that this formal training is a valuable, giving him another perspective of his music.
What is your favorite dance style?
Soltrix: “Bachata, over salsa. It’s weird because I’m Cuban, and the Cuban culture has a very strong salsa background, so it’s kind of like, ‘You don’t know how to dance salsa and you’re Cuban?!’ [laughs] But bachata is definitely my favorite.”
The majority of the music that Soltrix works with is bachata, but also includes salsa, reggaeton and dance music. His music-making process that often combines bachata with non-Latin genres of music, such as EDM and house, is often inspired by the strong vocal tacks present in the electronic-non-Latin-dance music.
What is your favorite remix you’ve produced?
Soltrix revealed that his favorite track is the remix of “Faded” by ZHU that he had produced in December of 2014. This track has special value for him because of its arrangement, absent of a dominant vocal track.
Soltrix: “It’s literally just instrumentation with very few lyrics, which is what I like about it…sometimes it’s not about the words and singing–it‘s about the feel of the music. It has a very nice sexy feel to it for the dancers too. That has to be my all-time favorite.”
Soltrix mixes his music using present-day technology, during which computer software can mimic and arrange all the instruments and components of music that would otherwise require multiple people, a band of instruments and a recording studio. It is an amazing process that takes about 12 hours to complete, behind-the-scenes, and before dancers arrive on the floor. Although he does know how to play a few musical instruments, such as the keyboard and guitar, Soltrix’s work is concerned with arranging different and diverse components of music into one, cohesive whole that all dancers and club-goers alike, can enjoy.
With this type of knowledge in mind, I asked him if he created his work with more of a musical, or dancing perspective.
Soltrix: “I try to consider both: my musical knowledge—without it, I couldn’t do it [mix music]—but at the same time, I think of the dancers, because honestly, these remixes are bigger in the social dance scene, versus the night club. At least with the social dancing you can mix it up and add English to it, which is what motivated me to do that.
New and potential dancers can easily admit that the social dance scene is intimidating. The sight of a packed dance floor of people spinning and moving as if they know exactly what they are doing, can be a daunting sight—even for more experienced dancers.
However, Soltrix’s music creates a sort of meeting ground for experienced and beginning dancers alike.
This is due to one of the most unique aspects of Soltrix’s music: how it features English artists. An appeal of his music is the familiarity of the tunes, as non-dancers and those outside of the social dance scene can recognize the songs he works with, and feel connected to them. This was certainly a reason why his music was personally attractive to me, and I mentioned this to him.
Soltrix: “A lot of the dancers in the social scene, they don’t speak Spanish, they’ll speak anything—you know, bachata is world-wide now: Italy, Spain, Australia, Japan. It’s all over the place now. Not everyone knows Spanish, but English is also a big language, so this is my contribution to the bachata scene to do remixes of English songs for people, songs they may like, popular radio stuff, and at the same time, EDM.
So it’s interesting that you say that, because that was my idea for doing these—to cater towards the English crowd.”
Soltrix’s music continues to inspire and draw people to the bachata scene, allowing him to travel about once a month to play at the next festival or event. He is living his dream as a DJ, and expressed his personal sentiment towards the international appeal and power of bachata,
Soltrix: “It’s so amazing to see, just thousands of people out there dancing bachata. Just goes to show you how big it’s becoming.”
As I concluded the interview, I opened the floor for questions—concerns that I thought would be primarily logistical, as to when the interview would be published, and so forth.
Instead, in an act of humility and kindness, Soltrix asked for constructive criticism. His openness to learn from and hear the voice of college student was stunning, and thoroughly appreciated. Fifteen minutes passed, and then we hurried downstairs so he could start playing his music. And of course, I got to dance the night away!
The next day, I would open my iTunes and click shuffle, then press play. Soltrix’s rendition. Of Tiesto’s “Red Lights” hummed out of my speakers. I opened my textbooks and fished a few papers out of some folders. Intuitively, I began to tap out the bachata bass beat with my pen, and then realized that my head was bopping to the bongos. I smiled. As I turned the page, I was thankful to have the Latin social dance scene, and DJ Soltrix, help the long, but fleeting college days and nights pass by.
This post is meant to encourage you to think a bit deeper about how much you really appreciate Salsa.
Imagine this scenario – You really love Salsa! You attend all the classes and socials! You buy dance shoes and all your clothes are dance ready! You practice all the turn patterns and shines whenever you can and you socially dance this dance every chance you can get. That’s great and I am real happy for you.
However, I have 3 questions and be honest now – How many Salsa Musicians do you know? How many Salsa Albums and songs have you actually paid for? How many Salsa DJs names do you know?
What constantly surprises me is how little people actually know about Salsa music. Now don’t get me wrong, I dont think you need to study Salsa music to the hundredth degree and know how every song is structured and every instrument is played. I do however think you should at least know a few of the artists that make the music and the DJ’s that play it.
How many times have you gone out for a Salsa night and one of the following 2 scenario’s plays out:
Scenario 1 – You have a venue, a group of social dancers and its amazing.
Scenario 2 – The same venue, the same dancers, but you are just not feeling it that night.
What changed? It could be lots of things, but next time this happens I urge you to pay attention to the DJ. You would be surprised how a DJ is able to make or break an event.
As a result, I think if you really want to appreciate Salsa, then you owe it to yourself to know and appreciate the Music.
How do you go about doing this? First: Learn about some of the bands and the artists. Figure out what kind of Salsa you like and how it makes you feel when you listen to it. I mean you have 3 pairs of dance shoes, the least you can do is have 3 salsa albums in your collection that you bought and paid for.
Second: Learn about some of the DJ’s. Many people don’t realise and actually simply take for granted how important DJs are to a night of Great Social dancing. Great music that flows is an Art-form that should be appreciated.
You should know that becoming a good DJ is an investment. It takes a lot of time & money to buy the music, listen to it and then get to a point of competence where you can put together and create sets of music that get people dancing all night long.
So my words of advice to you are simple: the next time you are at a party and a song comes on that you like, walk up to the DJ and say – Thanks for that awesome track! Then ask them the name of the song and the artist. (Disclaimer: do not become a pest and ask them for the names of more than 2 songs on any given night. Otherwise it has the opposite effect. You might also offer to buy them a drink. 😉 )
When you get home that night, head over to iTunes and buy the song or even better still, the album.
Show some love for all the Musicians and DJs all over the world who set the trends by getting you onto that dance floor with their sizzling hot beats.
A Big Thank you to the Artists for making the Music and a Big thank you to all the DJs for playing our songs!
About once a year I take a trip to Europe and visit a few places so that I can continue to improve my kizomba. I take lessons from top teachers – always as a leader. Then I attend parties and get to dance in a range of styles – most of the time as a follower, except with people I know personally.
I am a cis-gendered woman. That means I have the sexual reproductive organs that made them say “It’s a girl!” when I was born, and I identify as a woman. I also present as a woman: I have long hair, I wear makeup on my face and shirts that hug my breasts.
Yet ever since I started leading in kizomba, these have been the questions I receive in a group class in Europe, as all-female followers come down the line or around the circle:
“Are you a man?”
“You want to be a man?”
“Are you learning to be a man?”
“I don’t understand. You don’t like to be with men?”
“You prefer to be a man?”
Uhhhh….
No matter how many times I hear them, these questions make me feel annoyed or uncomfortable. I have to suppress the urge to respond bitingly:
“Do I look like a man?”
“Yeah, major penis envy here.”
“Oh, I didn’t know this class was about becoming a man!”
“Actually I enjoy dancing with people regardless of their sexual organs.”
“I prefer to keep my options open.”
I don’t answer like that, because I know that most of these people have no idea their questions might bother me. In several languages, there is no way of describing dance roles in a way that is not gendered, and quite a few literally use that expression “learn to be a man” and “learn to be a woman” to refer to learning to lead and follow, respectively. Some of them come from cultures that do not acknowledge the existence of a gender spectrum and believe that acting outside heterosexual roles is a perversion.
That is why I don’t ask all the girls to dance when I’m at a social dance in Europe. Unless someone knows me, or has already seen me teach as a leader, she may perceive my request as an unwanted sexual advance. Obviously I don’t agree with such assumptions – the implication would be that she can only dance with people to whom she is sexually attracted. (Go on, think of all the people you dance with regularly. Is that the case?) Nevertheless, I don’t want to fight that cultural battle every 10 minutes, so I prefer to enjoy following in a setting of such diverse dance backgrounds. Sometimes I get annoyed when there are clearly lots of women waiting around to dance, but at such festivals I try to make connections in class so I can dance with those ladies in the evening.
I’m also well aware that my lot could be much worse. Our use of such heavily gendered language in dance classes serves to exclude people who are trans, intersex, or nonbinary (who do not identify as strictly male or female). It also strongly discourages attendance of those who are not heterosexual.
I was once at a small European festival where attendance was such that I could reasonably aspire to dance with everyone. There were a fair number of people who had seen me teach at recent festivals not too far away, and by the time I had danced as both leader and follower with that population, the others were pretty used to the idea of my dancing with everyone. I also danced with nearly all of the teachers present at the festival, dancing the corresponding role to what was usual for them. When I asked one female teacher, however, she responded in a way that I will never get out of my head:
“I think kizomba can only work between a man and a woman.”
Again, I had to bite back a scathing response. “A simple ‘no, thank you’ would have been fine! Don’t let me ask how you feel about gay marriage!” I don’t think that head-on conflict is going to change these kinds of ideas.
Of course, quite a number of people I encounter at festivals do come from countries that theoretically acknowledge the complexity of gender identity and condone legal partnerships regardless of gender. I have to wonder if these people also ask androgynous types whether they’re male or female, or ask which lesbian partner “is the man” of the relationship.
Inappropriate or not, I will not be able to avoid the questions in class so long as I want to attend with the intent of improving my lead. So I have tried to come up with answers that are honest and hopefully a bit subversive.
“I’m not a man, but I am leading in this class. Why shouldn’t a woman be the boss?”
“I enjoy leading. I get to be the creative director of the dance. I can shape the dance to fit my idea of musicality.”
“I would be happy to lead men, but there aren’t too many that admit to interest in a supposedly submissive role.”
– and no wonder we have so few men trying to learn to follow. It’s quite stigmatized in our culture for a man to “act like a woman.” That’s much larger than our dance scene, of course.
For those who protest based on cultural or historical grounds, that kizomba has always had male leaders and female followers, I remind them that in semba (kizomba’s predecessor), men have frequently danced with each other. See how in this video the male leader dares much riskier tricks when he has a male follower:
I can also point to videos of women dancing with each other in Angola, both old and young.
I do think things are improving – this year I haven’t been heckled by any men in class. I could wish that the compliments I receive from my partners weren’t always expressed with such surprise, but it’s still nice to hear “You’re the first one that led me clearly” or the ubiquitous “You’re doing better than the men!”
I would love to see more teachers undermining social expectations by inviting “anyone who wants to lead today, stand on this side! Those who want to follow for this class, over here!” Better yet would be to encourage people to dance outside their society-assigned role. Most professionals agree that being able to dance both roles provides better mastery and an enhanced appreciation for your partner’s efforts. And having more flexibility could also make our dance scene more inclusive.
I receive a lot of defensive reactions to these ideas. Why feel threatened? My learning to lead as a woman doesn’t prevent men from leading or women from following if that’s what they prefer to do. I also don’t think we can hide behind the excuse that people don’t understand what’s meant by “leader” or follower” – the more people who use this vocabulary, the more people will recognize it. We might find that some people are initially slower to respond to such language, but all societal change is slow. Consider what language was acceptable even 50 years ago when referring to someone of a different ethnicity, compared to today. Consider what jobs were open to women 50 years ago.
I’m not asking for dramatic action; no need to organize marches or burn bras in the street. Still, we owe it to ourselves to see our dance communities come into the twenty-first century. Let’s fight the oppression of gender-based expectations with something simple yet mighty – our words.
When I first joined the latin dance community I had no idea what to expect. I was introduced to salsa, bachata, and merengue by a few hispanic friends of mine. One was Mexican and a couple others were Salvadoran. None of my friends were professional dancers, but they had grown up dancing and were kind enough to show me. I remember going to salsa clubs with my friends and being extremely nervous about dancing in front of people. I thought they were all staring at me, this tall black guy who obviously had no idea what he was doing. And the idea of asking a girl to dance terrified me. I was completely unaccustomed to leading and its not easy to be a cool soul brotha when you’re nervous. Swag and terror don’t mix.
I grew up in the hip-hop world where the majority of your dancing at clubs involves various levels of grinding, jumping, and booty shaking. There were no step counts to learn, turn patterns to execute, or different styles of music to recognize, and the only leading was directing the girl I danced with to the bar to get a drink. Joining the latin dance community opened my eyes not only to a variety of new ideas and friends, but it helped me grow as a person and gain a level of social confidence I hadn’t experienced before.
The following are a list of tips geared towards people who may be entering the latin dance community with little to no experience. Some of these are common sense while others are things I learned that I wish I’d known before I started dancing.
These are my opinions, but I think they’ll serve anyone who is thinking about joining the community.
(1) Salsa, Bachata, Merengue, etc aren’t just dances for hispanic/latino people, so expect a diverse crowd. The dance community is like the community college of hobbies…there is a little bit of every culture there. These days social media sites like YouTube have likely eliminated the notion that only Hispanics dance Salsa…but that was a stereotype I held before I entered the community (around 2006). I remember the first time I saw an Asian dance salsa and she was awesome! We later became friends. Watching her dance was like watching a black guy who is good at ice hockey. I was like, ‘Asians dance salsa too?’ Looking back on that moment, I’m reminded of how sheltered I’d been from this community, and it showed me that dance isn’t a color or activity owned by this group or that one.
(2) Find a good instructor who teaches you how to dance to the music…not through it. If your instructor teaches you “quick, quick, slow…or step, step, step, hip” instead of numbers, then you need to find a new teacher pronto. Certain dances lend themselves more to ‘dancing with feeling’, but the fundamentals should be rooted in sound theory. The music you dance to has structure and so should your dancing. Yes, you should dance with feeling, but that feeling should be based on structure. Many dancersget really annoyed if someone goes off on their own timing because they are ‘dancing with feeling’. Interpreting the music is fine and can definitely add an element of fun to the dance, but you will need to stay engaged with your partner. This is true whether you’re the most elementary dancer to the Mambo King himself, Eddie Torres.
(3) Don’t walk through the dance floor…walk around it. When I was going to hip-hop clubs it was pretty common for people to just walk right through the center of the floor with no hesitation, especially if you were trying to talk to a girl, or dance with her. This is a cardinal sin in the social dance scene. A big no-no. There are very few things more annoying to social dancers than someone who tries to walk through the dance floor to leave or (God forbid) talk to someone. If you want to say goodbye to someone either wave, or just wait for the song to end. You are not Noah and the dance floor will not magically part for you.
(4) Let down your guard and don’t be afraid to have others be apart of your personal space. Rachel Cassandra has written some really good articles that touch on this topic, “Let’s talk about Intimacy” and “Bridging The Divide: Movement vs. Non-Movement Cultures”. The Brisbane Salsero wrote an article called, “Free Hugs”. These give really good advice and opinions on the subject.
(5) If you see two guys dancing together at a social DON’T FREAK OUT. If you’re homophobic then the latin dance community may not be the place for you. If you love to dance, but the gay lifestyle is against your religion or personal beliefs then it will be in your best interests to keep your opinions to yourself or, at the very least, not attempt a crusade against homosexuality. I remember the first time I saw two guys dancing together and it caught me completely off guard. I had never seen two guys partner dance together.
I wasn’t offended by it, but it definitely was awkward viewing for me. Now after several years of being in the latin dance community it’s not a big deal at all and I understand it’s just part of the atmosphere at a social. The latin dance community can be an incredibly inclusive place. And I’ve also learned that just because two people of the same-sex might be dancing together it doesn’t mean they’re both gay. That would be an incorrect assumption for both men and women, respectively.
(6) If you see a girl and guy together and they’re obviously a couple, and you want to dance with one of them, you should ask their partner first. And if you know the person you want to dance with don’t just grab them like they’re single and take them to the dance floor! This, in my opinion, is a flagrant foul and usually will highly irritate their spouse. I’ve been the person grabbed before and its not fun having to scold your friend.
(7) Don’t take rejection personally. Everyone gets turned down for a dance at some point. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. Guys, if a girl says ‘no’ when you ask her to dance there could be a myriad of reasons why; her feet hurt, she’s tired, she doesn’t know how to dance, she’s waiting for a friend or boyfriend, she’s drunk (ha)…Yes, there are some girls out there who shy away from dancing with beginners. Is that the most friendly thing to do? No, but its their prerogative. Don’t beg or try to be forceful!
Just smile and say ‘thank you’, and keep having fun. You also don’t want to be that guy who keeps asking the entire night. If you get turned down once, its OK to ask her to dance again after a few songs go by. If she’s no again…then consider her to have a big ‘X’ over her head because if you ask a third time you might go from the friendly guy who is just wanting to have fun to ‘that annoying guy’ who keeps asking me to dance. Some girls have a three strike rule, but the girls I know usually say two is a good rule of thumb.
(8) Don’t record a couple dancing unless you get their permission. Even if you know someone it’s still the polite thing to do. Instructors and performers may not mind, but us regular folks might get suspicious.
(9) Find Salsa, Bachata, Merengue, Tango and/or Kizomba songs you like and listen to them in your spare time. This was a HUGE help to me. This will speed up your learning curve because you’ll train your ear to become more familiar with the instruments and rhythms. I had ZERO knowledge of these genres of music when I began dancing, and what knowledge I did have was limited to Gloria Estefan and those guys that sang the Macarena. I got into the community through friends who wanted to try it. A lot of people in the community grow up listening to the music so they’re naturally tuned to the rhythm. If you want to get better you’ll need to begin to feel the music and, more importantly, appreciate it.
Once you find songs you like you can practice dancing to those and you’ll find it much easier to dance to songs you don’t know…in my opinion. I’m not Dominican, but when I hear a bachata song by Joan Soriano or Antony Santos I get the shakes and I have to get up and dance. Find an artist that makes you want to dance.
(10) Go to a salsa congress. This is a great way to meet a lot of new friends and dance with people you haven’t met before. Rachel Cassandra has written a great article on how to prepare for those called “5 Steps to Maximizing Your Dance Congress Experience“.
Do you have any tips? Perhaps you experienced something upon joining the latin dance community that you didn’t expect?
Here in Barcelona I had the honor of interviewing a man who is not only a master of his craft but also one of the most humble and friendly human beings I have had the pleasure of meeting in the world of salsa. Here’s what we spoke about.
(*I’ve paraphrased quite a few of Javier’s responses, just to help with the translation from Spanish. Any mistakes therefore, are my own)
(R= Richie/Go Latin Dance, J=Javier Padilla)
R. Can you tell us a little more about your dance background, how you started out and how you evolved as a dancer?
J. At first I started learning Cuban style and then I moved to Mexico City to learn, learn and learn classical ballet and latin ballroom dances. So in Mexico I didn’t intend to become a professional dancer, I was just a student. I was very interested in salsa and its roots; in mambo and the old salsa. So after I moved to Barcelona I had the chance to learn from (5-time World Salsa Champions) Adrian & Anita who were my teachers and from whom I learned a lot, not just dance skills but also how to interact with our students and that’s when I decided to become a professional dancer.
R. What brought you to Barcelona?
J. (With a huge smile) Dance. Actually I came to study for a master’s degree in marketing but the thing that attracted me was dance. Once I was here I met Adrian and Anita at a social and they invited me to become part of their dance company. I had obviously thought about following my salsa journey but not with Adrian and Anita because they were such “big” teachers and I didn’t think my level was high enough to dance with them. They saw me dancing and they liked my style, a style that I was creating, little by little and from there they invited me to join them. And from there I began to change my way of looking at dance, not just as a hobby but as a professional career.
R. So you learned the whole professional side of dance from them. On another note, I remember my first time seeing Javier dance at a social and he really something else so it’s no wonder he caught the eye of Adrian and Anita. Another thing I wanted to talk to you about is the difference between salsa as it’s danced here in Europe and in the Americas. Do you see a big difference between the two and if so, what is it?
J. The truth is I don’t really see a difference in the way people dance because the world today is really globalized and the there are a lot of latin American artists that travel to Europe and vice-versa so styles are really integrated around the word. So I don’t really see a difference because salsa is danced the same here as in Mexico.
BUT, the feeling of the dance probably changes a little. In latin America, personally I grew up listening to salsa and it was part of my childhood and I that music and those dances came to mean something very special for me. And just like me there are a lot of latinos that have a love for salsa from their childhood something that you don’t really have here in Europe.
R. Now, a lot of our readers will know that you won the mens salsa soloist championship in 2014. What was it like to compete at a competition of that level? (check out the video below)
J. (laughs) It was really hard haha. It was my first time. I was kind of nervous at first and then I was excited because it was my goal, you know, to be on a stage with so many great artists and dancers and to compete with them. I had never been in a soloist competition. I had danced in the same competition but in a different category with my dance partner David de Ménes .
Everyone goes there to defend their work, everyone has a lot of skill, lots of technique, basically you have to show everything you’ve got and everything you can do and it has to be done really well. After the competition we’re all get to know each other and we’re all friends and we support each other but the moment of competing you’ve really got to go for it. When you’re surrounded by such good dancers, by such a high level, I prefer to just focus on myself because otherwise I’d just make myself more nervous. And that was a difficult aspect, just being surrounded by such good dancers.
R. And what was it like to actually win? How did you feel?
J. Wow, it was a feeling where, at first, I didn’t know what was going on. After my performance people had told me that they liked it and that I had a chance of making it to the podium but I didn’t really want to think about the result, I just wanted to stay focused and see what happens. And then in that moment when they named me the winner, well, it’s something that you can’t really understand in the moment. You’re filled with so many emotions at the same time; you want to cry, you want to laugh, you want to scream, you want to hug someone and yet at the same time you can’t. It’s a lot of emotions because of all the work you’ve put in over the previous months, all the sacrifices you’ve made and time you’ve sacrificed not hanging out with friends, to prepare yourself well, that’s all paid off. For me, after a few hours, after a time, I came to realize what had happened… and I started to cry and cry and cry because the emotions were so intense for me.
It’s also a responsibility too because you think “and what now?”. It opens your mind a little because you have to start working again from there and have a new vision as a dancer.
R. Now, you won that competition with a performance that was very eclectic. It had elements of rumba, a little salsa caleña, ballet, pachanga. Can you give us some insight into how you created that choreography?
J. As a dancer you need to keep in mind that there are 2 types of shows; those for competition and those where you can do what you like and add in your own style.
But for competition, you have to look at the background and styles of the judges so you give a little spoonful of that style to each one. For example, if there are judges who prefer Cuban style or rumba or afro, you should prepare a little bit of that. If you have a judge who is a very technical dancer, you add technique. If you have a street-style salsero, you add a little bit of “flow’ to your choreo.
Apart from that, I think it’s really important to look at your own show from the point of view of the public, the audience. You as a viewer/consumer of your own show, do you like it or not? Are you happy with the music that you’re going to hear and the choreography that you’re going to see?
As regards to costume, for example, for mambo I would imagine a particular type of color and a particular type of outfit whereas I would imagine a different costume for something more rumbero. Everything has to be connected. You need to bring everything together to compete, you need a union of everything and that’s the creative or artistic part of the whole scene.
R. How long do you usually prepare for a choreography?
J. You need to arrive at a point, after training and training and training some more, of dominating your choreo and just be on top of everything. In order to compete well and even for a regular show you need you have to take care of 3 levels; first have the choreo well learned and trained to the highest technical level; later interpret it and by that I mean how you maintain a connection with the audience, and finally comes the combination of everything and how you put it on the stage. All of this takes a certain amount of time; around 4 or 5 months. The truth is, I only had 3 months (laughs). So I really had to run into it.
R. When you talk about the interpretation, how do differentiate the interpretation from the actual technique of the dance?
J. I think that a question that all of us dancers have is “Technique or Passion”, “Mind or Heart”, “Technique versus Interpretation”. Because on one side you have the technique, are your steps clean, is it on time, the transitions, the lines of the choreo. And then you have “feeling”. One thing is the visual and the other is what’s on the inside, what you can express. A lot of choreographies that we see on stage, might be incredibly technical but they don’t move you.
R. Do you feel that that’s a problem these days; that a lot of choreographies lack the passion that you’re talking about?
J. Yes, of course because, at the end of it all “we want to consume emotions”. As a member of the audience at an event or a congress we want emotions. We want to cry, to laugh, to dance, we want to enjoy ourselves or we even want to get serious. We want emotions. And if you don’t achieve that the choreography looks empty, it looks like technique alone, just an outline, it doesn’t reach you, deep inside. So I think it’s very important to bring both parts together to the maximum level, the technique and the interpretation.
On the other hand, if you just have “flow” you’ll lack the grand spectacle of jumps, turns and displacements. If we just dance salsa, we’ll lack the benefit of the chorepgraphy. So, I believe that both need to be well developed, always.
R. You’ve mentioned “Flow” a lot and it’s a word that I’ve heard from latin americans frequently when they speak about dance. How would you define the concept of flow?
J. (with a big smile) “Sabor” (a spanish word that literally means “flavor” but is used regularly when describing music and dance)… Yeah, “Alma” (Soul). All the emotion that you feel and that you express. A dancer needs to have flow. It might be a little different for latin jazz but “salsa salsa” has a lot of flow. That’s the soul of the dance.
R. Leading on from the choreos, who would you say are your biggest influences in the world of latin dance?
J. Wow. Well, Adrian and Anita of course because I’ve learned so much from them. In general I really admire all those dancers who are able to define their own project with their own style and then maintain it. Because, we always start out with great illusions and motivation but it’s very rare that someone maintains that project. You always have to maintain an element of surprise, something to say, something to offer to the public. Adrian and Anita have been around for 10 years, Sabor a Fuego have been around for a long time too, Mr. Eddie Torres has been dancing for a very long time and they all maintain their essence, their energy, their product. I really admire those people who create something and stick with it because their demonstrating that dance is their life, it’s not just a moment in their life.
R. Is their any particular style of music that you love to dance to socially, any particular groups or artists.
J. I really, really, really like latin-jazz. I like music that is smooth. I love mambo you know, Tito Puentes. I love salsa romatica and that whole era of music. Everything that’s strongly based in percussion and sabor. As for groups, I really like the Mambo Legends Orchestra. I don’t like to dance really fast socially. I prefer to enjoy myself and feel that I’m communicating with whoever I’m dancing with and that’s all through the music. I’m not really about dancing quickly and showing off moves. I’m more about flow and latin jazz has that power to let you feel that with your partner.
R. Obviously, you’re very well known as a teacher and a performer but which aspect of dance do you enjoy the most: teaching, performing or social dancing?
J. Well, I really like to offer… something, to people. I really like the aspect of performer. I really like to offer new and different things . To give what I can. For example I might do a salsa show and for the next choreo I might do something more contemporary.
As for social dancing, I like it too. Because you can forget about the choreography and the show and you connect with the music, your environment and your partner.
I like being a teacher too (laughs). Before, I would have said no. I didn’t enjoy it as much because I didn’t have that ability to create a choreography for other people or to teach style to other people. Now, having been working for 2 years as a teacher, I’m able to enjoy it. Watching how people evolve by means of what I explain to them. I think that’s very satisfying for every teacher.
So, I like all three but if I had to pick one, it would be performing.
R. Do you have any particular philosophy when it comes to teaching? What do you think makes a good teacher of salsa?
J. From the people I’ve learned from it’s the ones who teach you how to “dance”. They don’t just teach you steps or patterns, they teach you how to feel and how to move. They’re the ones who ask you “what is salsa?”, “where does it come from” “why is it danced like that?’, “why is it called that?”. They let you know all about what you’re doing. I really admire teachers who provide that type of information because I think of dance like another type of education, just as if we were in school. As teachers of dance, we need to act as if we were teachers in primary or secondary school. We need to educate our students about all the aspects of dance; about it’s history, about all the dancers that have helped to create it, the full depth of the dance.
R. What do you feel is the most difficult aspect of salsa to teach?
J. That would probably be… one’s own style. It’s difficult to teach your own style to your students. So instead I try to teach people how to move themselves so they create their own style. So they feel the music in their own way, not like me. I prefer to give you some guidance, like how to give you some “sabor” like moving your shoulders, moving your torso and your body but you give it the style that you want. I also encourage my students to take classes not just with me but with other teachers so they take something from each teacher and find their own style.
R. What has been your favorite dance moment?
J. Just before going on stage you feel something special. Every time. People have told me that the day you don’t feel nervous or emotional or adrenaline before going on stage, the show will never be the same.
So before a show I always feel adrenaline, or some sort of emotions or nervousness, butterflies in my stomach that makes you think “I want to do this NOW”. I think, in that moment, you don’t feel well because of your nerves but finally in the show it converts into energy , into adrenaline. Like those nerves explode out of you and in that moment you feel something really good.
I think I’ve felt like that every time I’ve done a show and it’s something really beautiful.
R. And on the opposite side of that, what’s been the mot embarrassing moment you’ve had while dancing.
J. Whenever something goes wrong in a choreography, if you forget something or if there’s been a disconnect with your partner, a bad acrobatic, it’s a moment where you really feel bad because you always want to offer the best show for the audience and if you mess up, even if people say “don’t worry, I loved all the rest”, you still focus on that bad moment and think “If that hadn’t happened I’d feel much better”. And even when you get a lot of support from the audience, saying that they like the show you still think that it isn’t true because you know that you made a mistake. Even if they didn’t notice, you know it.
R. Is there any one in the world of dance who you want to dance with but haven’t had the chance to yet.
J. Lots. Socially, I’d love to dance with a lot of people. And I dance as a follower too as I have a same-gender dance-partner, David de Ménes, so I’ve developed that aspect as a follower. I’ve wanted to take out various famous dancers like Super Mario or Adolfo Indacochea because they’re artists that I admire a lot for their way of dancing and the way they perform patterns. I’d like to feel the connection that they create. But I don’t really know how they’d feel about dancing with a guy (laughs).
As for the girls, I’d love to dance with Karel Flores and Magna Gopal, you know, with some really great dancers, to feel the same thing; their connection, how we’d communicate with each other, how they express a social dance with their bodies.
R. Just before we finish up, do you have any advice for people who are starting out in the world of salsa.
J.It might sound a little clichéd but it’s very true; “Follow your dreams”. It’s the only way to listen to your heart. Since I was a child I always dreamed of dancing, but I grew up in an environment where you were supposed to work, study, get married, have some kids… a “normal” life. But inside I knew I loved to dance and thank God I’ve had the opportunity. So if you really want something, just keep going after it because you’ll get it (points to goose-bumps on his arm “look how emotional I get”, laughs). If you have a lot of faith that it will happen, it’ll happen. I’m still in the process, I wanted it and little by little it’s happening. Obviously, I still have a lot of goals I need to achieve, I need to grow a lot more, but I’m on the right track.
If it’s something you really want to dedicate yourself to, you can’t take it as a phase or something that’s all the rage. Because it’s the ones that really dedicate themselves that continue learning. And not just salsa but other styles too because the world of dance continues evolving and you continually need to update yourself and learn from great teachers and from everyone; your peers who are developing just like you can give you something.
Follow that dream and work for it. The physical with the spiritual; You need to have the faith that you’re going to do it but you need to work and dedicate yourself, search for new opportunities.
R. Similarly, for more advanced dancers who want to get to the next level, what advice would you give them?
J. That they never stop learning. You have to learn from everything. Respect where you came from and from whom you’ve learned and again, follow your dream. Because if hadn’t crossed paths with certain people along the way, we wouldn’t be where we are. If I hadn’t met Adrian and Anita I don’t know what I’d be today. They opened my eyes and allowed to realize what I wanted to dedicate myself to. I’m sure that has happened to every dancer.
You need to maintain yourself, keep thinking of offering something new and give a little surprise every now and then, to maintain the spark and the energy so that your project stays alive.
R. For anyone who would like to contact Javier about classes and performances you can check out his page: www.jpadilladance.com
I’m an American. I didn’t start dancing until I was nearly 18. Well, I danced a waltz as a small child standing on my dad’s shoes at a wedding once. I did have some friends that did ballet, tap, and jazz, memorizing positions and sequences to be put into choreographed end-of-year recitals. I also remember hearing about cotillion from the wealthier set, the dreaded classes in which young adolescents had to memorize steps to prepare them for formal social occasions. Really, though, dance just wasn’t something I had in my life growing up.
That’s true for an awful lot of us, not only in the United States, but also in many other countries. Plenty of us did hardly any dancing when we were growing up. For those that did dance as children, quite a lot took classes in a tradition that had an established syllabus (ballet, line dancing, ballroom, etc.) Plus, hey, most of us spend huge stretches of the day sitting in a chair. We are part of a non-movement culture.
Have you ever been in a dance class where you felt like absolutely nothing was being explained to you? Where the answer to every question is “Look!” unless maybe the instructor comes and dances with you to show you what’s wrong? Where you left feeling inspired but pretty much clueless about how to make your body do what it’s supposed to?
Welcome to the disconnect that can occur when a class of students from non-movement cultures try to learn from someone from a movement culture.
If you are from a movement culture, you grow up moving to music. You see your parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and neighbors dancing. You mimic their movement and learn to make it your own. You don’t think about needing classes – your relative or schoolmate can always show you something new. You watch, you feel, you dance.
Have you ever been in a class where you felt the teacher did nothing but talk? Where you never got a chance to try things yourself? Where questions took up way too much class time?
That’s an example of the flipside, a teacher from a non-movement culture teaching to students from a movement culture.
Now of course, sometimes inadequate teaching experience or understanding of the dance can lead to one of these situations. But I’d like to give us some awareness of the honest confusion that occurs when people from these different cultures try to learn from and with one another.
I could name many examples from my own experience, but one in particular stands out. I was learning kizomba ladies’ styling from a wonderful dancer from Portugal. She has taught all over Europe. She has a clear order to her class and is patient with students. She looks to see whether students are following and what their problems are. She is absolutely a competent teacher.
Yet when I was in her class I felt like I understood nothing. I could see her move. I could tell that what I was doing looked nothing like that. I tried to move my pelvis correctly, but not only was that impossible, but I couldn’t hold my shoulders or knees immobile the way she did. She came to correct me, tried to block the incorrect movement, but I was lost.
Fortunately I was a very determined student, and I had a lot of time to practice on my own. I kept trying. I created exercises for myself to try to loosen certain areas and strengthen others. I returned to her class again and again to see her move again, and to try to understand the further adjustments that needed to be made. Eventually I had some passable movement.
Over the course of the next several months, working with my partner, I continued to have light bulb moments. “Oh! The reason I can’t do that smoothly is because I’m doing THIS wrong with my posture!”
Similar things happened when I was learning partner work in kizomba. “Do it like this,” was sometimes clear, but I wanted to know why, and more detailed how. At the time, I thought it was a personal problem. With years of structured explanations in lindy hop, plus a teaching degree under my belt, I was just expecting kizomba to make sense in a way that aligned with my own learning experiences. Or maybe I was an auditory learner, and needed to hear the explanation. Or maybe it was just my personality.
I didn’t realize until much later that this represented a cultural divide. I became much more patient with teachers and students that didn’t fit my own expectations or preferences. I was able to adjust and improve both my learning and teaching.
This idea came up in an interview I had with kizomba teacher Tania Mendonca, an Angolan expatriate who grew up in Portugal and is now based in the UK. She shared about others like her who have left Africa and have been asked to teach their dances, “I have no shame in saying: we are not great teachers – we are great dancers and we are learning to teach. Most Palops [people from Portuguese-speaking African countries] don’t really agree with the concept of teaching; they think that spoils the natural way of learning kizomba.”
I’m not here to say that one way is better than another. What’s more, there are plenty of differences among individuals (visual/audio/kinesthetic learning styles, personality, previous experience, preferences…). However, when you look at the idea of movement and non-movement cultures, a lot of things start to make sense. I’ve made a little chart as a quick reference that may help.
Movement Culture
Non-movement culture
Teachers
Demonstrate repeatedly
Talk about doing what is natural
Focus more on feeling
Dance with you to help with a question or understand a problem
When pressed, may give you a verbal explanation that doesn’t actually line up with their own movement
Demonstrate less often
May focus more on mechanics or aesthetics
Try to explain what students are doing wrong, and how to fix it
If inexperienced, may teach incorrect movement that only superficially fits what they’ve seen
Students
Learn by watching and doing
May be impatient with verbal explanations
Will ask for repeated demonstration when they are confused
Want to practice with music
Want explanations as well as demonstrations
Like to ask questions
Want to practice with counts before practicing with music
I encourage you to try “cross-training” and also have patience for those on the other side of that divide. After all, in the end we are all hoping for better dances with each other!
Have you ever had one of those mornings when everything seems to be going right? You’ve had a good night’s sleep, your favorite outfit is clean, and your hair has miraculously fallen perfectly into place. Knowing that you’re looking good, you stroll confidently into work and greet your co-worker with a cheery hello.
As you prepare to start your awesome day your co-worker turns to you and says, “Hey– are you OK? You look like you’re coming down with something.” And — BAM! In the blink of an eye the Debbie Downer lurking in your office has sucked your early morning buzz out of your body and flushed it down the toilet.
While it is not especially surprising to encounter a Dan/Debbie Downer at work, we are often unprepared for a Downer attack on the dance floor. Even though some Dance Floor Downers operate in stealth mode, the six following types of Downers can be identified and hopefully avoided, if you are paying attention:
Dance Floor Downer #1: “THE PATIENT,” AKA, – The Dance Partner In Need of A Therapist
While most people view the dance floor as a place to get down to some great music, others see it as the perfect locale to talk about all of the problems currently going on in their personal lives. The social dance floor becomes an extension of their therapist’s couch and you unwittingly become a discount Dr. Phil because you’ve accepted their invitation to dance.
Over the years I have had dance partners tell me about problems at work, problems in their marriage, problems with “the law”, or even about problems with their bowel movements during the four minutes we’ve shared together on the dance floor. Memorably, while dancing at an outdoor public event last summer one man pulled up his shirt to show me the scar on his stomach from where his “old lady” had “accidentally” stabbed him with a fork during an argument.
WARNING. If you are dancing with someone who starts throwing out words like “hemorrhoid,” “alimony,” or “pregnancy test,” feel free to break away from your partner to do the longest solo dance pattern of your life and then, run far, far away.Not to be unkind, but many of us look to the dance floor as a place to temporarily escape our own problems, rather than as a place to discuss someone else’s.
Dance Floor Downer #2: “THE TRANSFORMER,” AKA, — The Dance Partner Who “Morphs” Into Your New Dance Instructor
By far –The Transformer is the most lethal type of Downer that you will encounter on the social dance floor. It is one thing to be given instructions by your real dance teacher during a real dance class, but it is an altogether different experience to be “taught” by a random dance partner during a social dancing event.
A few weeks ago I asked a gentleman to dance during one of my favorite Socials. I’ve danced with this man on many prior occasions and have found him to be a good partner in the past. The man accepted my invitation, and, (from my perspective), we had a very enjoyable dance.
However, as soon as the song ended this man took me by the elbow and escorted me off of the floor. Before I could thank him for the dance he proceeded to tell me everything I could have done better while we were dancing. At the end of this long lecture I felt so deflated that I decided to leave the Social and go home before I could completely stink up the dance floor.
Shortly after returning home I noticed that The Transformer had sent me a text requesting that I call him for additional tips on improving my dance technique. I declined to call him, but upon checking my email the next morning I discovered that he had also sent me an instructional dance video from YouTube with the suggestion that I watch it. OMG.
WARNING. If you find that your self-confidence is being crushed by the harsh words of a particular dance partner, please re-evaluate whether you need to dance with this person again. The pure joy that comes from dancing should never be diminished by someone else’s judgment on the social dance floor.
**If you feel that you MUST give some type of instruction to a dance partner, please give it in the kindest way possible and only give it ONE TIME. There is definitely a difference between receiving a helpful tip versus receiving a scolding on the dance floor.
Dance Floor Downer #3: “THE WANNA-BE “, AKA– The Dance Partner Who Is “Too Good” for the Social
There always seem to be a few of these gloomy, annoying people at every Latin dance event I attend. You probably know the type. They are the people who complain about the music: “Why aren’t they playing more Mambo/ChaChaCha /Bachata/whatever…” Or, they complain about the other dancers: “There aren’t many elite level dancers here …” Or, they complain about the dance floor, the temperature of the room, or generally anything and everything else they can think of to complain about at the event. They are generally dressed to impress and spend most of their time standing together in the corner of the room.
What is fascinating about the “Wanna-Be” posse is that most of its members don’t actually dance very well, but have clearly bought into some kind of delusion regarding their greatness. Most of these people are beginner to mid-level dancers who would actually have a great time on the dance floor if they would stop pretending to be something they are not.
WARNING. Just because you took a class that one time with some lady who danced with Eddie Torres for 5 minutes in the 90’s does not make you the Queen or King of the dance floor. If you really think that you’re too good for a certain Social, please do everyone a favor and stay away. Otherwise, come to the dance floor with a smile, ready to dance and to have a good time with everybody in the room.
Dance Floor Downer #4: “The Safety Dunce” AKA, — The Dance Partner Who Has No Apparent Understanding of Human Anatomy
From time to time, you may find yourself dancing with someone who seems to have no idea that you’d prefer to keep your arms connected to your shoulders, or that you’d like to avoid being stepped on, elbowed in the face, or hit in the groin.
Now—don’t get me wrong. If you’ve been dancing for a while you’ve probably been both the perpetrator and the victim of a “dance floor accident.” While these kinds of accidents happen every once in a while, when you are dancing with The Safety Dunce your chances of having an encounter with pain becomes almost a certainty. This person is not a nervous klutz; rather this person doesn’t have much interest or regard for the safety of his/her dance partner.
The male Safety Dunce enjoys “strutting his stuff” on the dance floor and typically uses his dance partner as the vehicle for his attention seeking display. These are the Leads that will spin a beginner Follow multiple times, regardless of her ability to maintain her balance. Or, these are the Leads that will steer their Follow right into the path of another dancing couple because they are too busy showing off their moves to protect their partner from imminent bodily harm.
The female of this species is just as deadly, throwing up her arms in unnecessary styling moves, seemingly unaware that her partner’s nose is in danger of being a casualty of her random contortions. The female Safety Dunce may also take a stealthier approach by not visibly doing anything dangerous, but will choose to place 90% of her body weight on her partner, forcing him to painfully drag her around the dance floor.
WARNING. If you find yourself dancing with a Safety Dunce this is one of the rare occasions when it is acceptable to stop the dance before the song is over. Your personal safety should always come first.
Dance Floor Downer #5: “The Lifetime Movie,” AKA, — The Dance Partner Who Brings The Drama
While there are definitely men who fit into this category, The Lifetime Movie is usually an attractive female dancer who accidentally reveals a big secret during a Latin dance event.
The camouflage surrounding the secret can take many different forms, but, at its core, the secret is always the same: that the sweet woman smiling at you across the dance floor is actually BAT S**T CRAZY.
Usually this secret comes out upon the Lifetime Movie’s break-up with her salsa dancing ex-boyfriend. While this woman is clearly distraught and should have stayed home, she has decided to come to the Social to show everyone her CRAZY.
Now that the show has started the plot will proceed as follows:
The Lifetime Movie will stand at the edge of the dance floor glaring at her Ex-boyfriend while loudly “whispering” to anyone who will listen about her feelings;
She will order all of her female friends not to dance with her Ex, and anyone who dares to violate this mandate will receive the dance floor stare down;
At some point during the middle of the event The Lifetime Movie will migrate to a corner of the room to begin publicly crying; and, finally,
The Lifetime Movie will make an attempt to talk with her Ex, who will completely blow her off.
At this point, depending on how deep the CRAZY really is, The Lifetime Movie will either begin to feverishly flirt with another guy to get the attention of her Ex, or will leave the Social in a huff, briefly pausing in the parking lot to slash her Ex’s tires.
WARNING. Stay as far away from the Lifetime Movie as possible when she starts her migration to the corner. If you are anywhere near this lady when she begins to blow you will be sucked into her emotional vortex even if you barely know this woman. Once this happens your night of carefree dancing will be over.
Dance Floor Downer #6: “The 911,” AKA, “The Dance Partner That Makes You Want to Call For Help”
The typical “911” is usually someone who behaves fairly normally until he/she has had a little too much to drink. Once this person has been “over-served” everyone on the dance floor should be more than a little afraid. When you are dancing with a 911 an ordinary Bachata can turn into the X-rated bump-n-grind of your nightmares, or a sensual salsa can become a wrestling match worthy of the WWE.
There are also “911s” who haven’t had a drop to drink, but just like to get straight freaky on the dance floor. When I first started dancing there was a young man who was notorious for trying his “signature move” on every lady who had the misfortune to dance with him.
This 911 would begin the dance normally, but somewhere during the middle of the song would maneuver his partner into a back to back position so that he could vigorously and rapidly rub his buttocks against hers for a solid eight count. All I can say about this experience is – YUCK.
I’ve had male friends tell me about freaky female 911s who have licked the sweat off of their faces or have attempted to do some sort of dog in heat gyration on their leg in the midst of a Bachata. While this kind of behavior may not always be unwelcome to certain people, for others, this is the kind of dance that makes them want to send out an SOS.
WARNING. If you want to have a successful night of dancing, it’s probably not a good idea to drink too much before you hit the dance floor. And – if you are a straight freak, just make sure that your partner is into whatever it is you like to do, or else you might get hurt or possibly arrested.
While it is impossible to completely escape all of the above-mentioned Downers, vigilance and early detection will allow you to reduce the frequency of these buzz-killing encounters on the dance floor. Good luck and happy dancing everyone!
I had an experience dancing a little while ago that got me thinking. I was dancing at one of the local salsa venues, and I asked a girl to dance that I hadn’t seen before, so I had no idea of what to expect. She asked me straight away, “on-2?” It turned out that she only dances on-2, which is fine by me, as this is my preferred style. I was pleasantly surprised. She was light, fun, musical and seemed to enjoy the dance, and I definitely enjoyed the dance. So at the end of the dance I thanked her and went to give her a hug. This is what I usually do at the end of a dance, particularly when I have really enjoyed the dance. To my surprise, she pulled away and made an awkward face, leaving me feeling awkward. I thought it was a bit strange at the time, but I didn’t really think that much about it until recently, and it got me thinking about hugs.
I wasn’t always much of a hugger. In fact, it wasn’t until I really got into latin dancing that I realised how important physical touch is to my overall happiness and well-being. I’ve realised in the last few years that I really need physical touch in my life, maybe more so than a lot of people.
In 1995, a guy called Gary Chapman released his book about the 5 love languages, which is a book that I recommend you read if you’re interested in learning more about how you and your partner can better express and receive love within your relationship. The biggest takeaway point from the book is that people are different in how they prefer to give and receive love and affection, and most people have a particular love language. If someone asked me to specify which love language is most important to me in terms of receiving affection, I would say that it’s physical touch. I need hugs.
However, I wasn’t always this way. It took me a long time to realise this about myself. In fact, when people have tried to hug me in the past, I was the one who shied away and felt awkward, even when it was a family member. So I can totally relate to how the lady I mentioned above was probably feeling. I put my initial awkwardness down to a number of things. Firstly, my family are not big huggers. My parents simply didn’t hug me a lot when I was growing up. In fact, after reading Gary Chapman’s book, I went on to identify the love languages of both of my parents, and it’s not physical touch, which explains a lot. Secondly, as as general rule, hugging is not something that is embraced by western society (pardon the pun).
This is why the “Free Hugs” movement got so much attention. It’s simply not the done thing in western society to hug a random stranger. However, this is exactly what we are doing most of the time when we are dancing. The music just gives us a convenient excuse, but if you take the music away, physically, a dance is just a 3 minute embrace, often with someone you barely know.
When I first started latin dancing, I was not comfortable with the level of physical intimacy. Living in a western society, and coming from a family of non-huggers, and adding to the fact that I’m highly introverted, being so close to a person that I didn’t know at all, made me feel quite uncomfortable, and I’m sure it was obvious to my partner. These days I don’t give it a second thought, but it took some getting used to. When I started out dancing, I would have a nice dance, and then at the end of the dance, I would follow social dancing etiquette and politely smile and say “thank you” to my partner for the dance. These days, it’s hugs all the way, even if I don’t know the person at all.
When I was in London, I spent some time taking classes at a school where they did something that I think is really cool, and I wish that more dance schools did this. In the foundations class, which was the very first class, before the beginners class, the first thing the teacher got everybody to do was hug their partner. Because it was the foundations class, you had a high proportion of people in the class who had literally never done any form of partner dancing before. So being instructed to hug a complete stranger resulted in some people feeling quite awkward, but the way the teacher did it was playful and fun. So that after a few hugs, the physical barriers were coming down very quickly for most people.
At the time, I remember thinking that it’s actually weird *not* to hug a person with whom you’re going to dance. Think about it. You’re going to spend 3-5 minutes of your life essentially hugging this person while you dance anyway. Why not give them a hug hello and a “thank you” hug after the dance. Just because the music has stopped playing, doesn’t change anything. You still have permission to hug a person. It doesn’t have to mean anything. My invitation to you, if you’re not already in the habit of giving thank you hugs, is to give 5 thank you hugs the next time you go social dancing (to 5 different people, not all to the same person ;-), and observe the results. My guess is you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
More hugs people. That’s all I’m really saying. It feels good and makes the world a better place.
What was your first club experience like?
Soltrix mixes his music using present-day technology, during which computer software can mimic and arrange all the instruments and components of music that would otherwise require multiple people, a band of instruments and a recording studio. It is an amazing process that takes about 12 hours to complete, behind-the-scenes, and before dancers arrive on the floor. Although he does know how to play a few musical instruments, such as the keyboard and guitar, Soltrix’s work is concerned with arranging different and diverse components of music into one, cohesive whole that all dancers and club-goers alike, can enjoy.
Soltrix
In 1995, a guy called Gary Chapman released his book about the 5 love languages, which is a book that I recommend you read if you’re interested in learning more about how you and your partner can better express and receive love within your relationship. The biggest takeaway point from the book is that people are different in how they prefer to give and receive love and affection, and most people have a particular love language. If someone asked me to specify which love language is most important to me in terms of receiving affection, I would say that it’s physical touch. I need hugs.
When I first started latin dancing, I was not comfortable with the level of physical intimacy. Living in a western society, and coming from a family of non-huggers, and adding to the fact that I’m highly introverted, being so close to a person that I didn’t know at all, made me feel quite uncomfortable, and I’m sure it was obvious to my partner. These days I don’t give it a second thought, but it took some getting used to. When I started out dancing, I would have a nice dance, and then at the end of the dance, I would follow social dancing etiquette and politely smile and say “thank you” to my partner for the dance. These days, it’s hugs all the way, even if I don’t know the person at all.