A while back I wrote a post on my personal blog which provided useful tips on how to ensure that you’re dancing all night long and not left standing on the sidelines. A few people told me they found it helpful so I decided to go ahead and share it here.
1) Get off to a good start
This one needs explaining. Yes, it really is ok to ask men to dance! I also promised that if you really don’t like doing that I would give you advice on how to get men to ask you to dance. I lied just a little bit… think of it more as…a compromise. If you’ve arrived, you’re itching to dance and no-one’s asked you yet then try just asking someone once.
If you’re in a new setting and you don’t really know anyone, men in certain clubs might stick to their comfort zone of asking women they’ve already danced with in the past, because they know what to expect. (Yawn). If you go ahead and ask a guy to start off with, your chances of being asked to dance after this are much higher because….
- a) You have demonstrated that you can actually follow a lead
- b) Men are much more likely to grab someone coming off the dance floor than head over to people hanging out on the side, especially if they don’t know you.
Which leads me to my next point…
2) Don’t stand on the side looking miserable
It’s easy after two, three (four?) songs have gone by to start feeling full of self- doubt or downright rejected. But if you were a guy, would you pick the girl that’s smiling or the one that looks miserable?
3) Standing in a group of girls or having intense conversation makes you less approachable
If you came with a group of girlfriends, believe it or not, some men just do not know which one to pick, so instead, he’ll grab a girl who just finished dancing. Either that, or he’s shy, and so approaching a group of females is intimidating. Equally, if you are having an interesting and absorbing conversation, don’t be surprised that guys will probably leave you to it. Not to say you shouldn’t be talking and getting to know people, but once a song’s finished and you’re ready to dance, make that evident in your body language.
4) As weird as it may sound, some men go by how you’re dressed as a guess for whether you dance or not
Again, this mainly applies to going out to dance in a new club or city. If you’re wearing inappropriate shoes (spindle high stilettos or trainers), then some men read this as a sign that you stumbled into the club somehow, but that you don’t actually dance. This is a minor point, and when it comes down to it you can wear what you want, but if you really don’t want to ask men to dance it’s something to keep in mind!
Do you have any tips? If so please comment below!
I’m older a bit overweight and I never get asked to dance I’ve tried standing by the dance floor with a big smile on my face I’ve tried asking men to dance and nothing seems to work what can I do?
Hi Susan. Have you tried asking the men to dance? Perhaps this will encourage other men to ask you to and give you more confidence to ask others :). Do you know any of the instructors? I’d ask them as well if you do.
Nice article. As a lead who is always interested in dancing with everyone of all skill levels, I would add: be approachable!
If you’re far away from the dance floor, or deep in your phone, or deep in the middle of a pack of your girlfriends, you’re less likely to be asked. And if you never smile or make eye contact during the dance, or give any indication that you enjoyed the dance at all, you may be less likely to be asked again.
If you’re near the dance floor, have open body language and look alert and interested, you’re more likely to be asked. And if you smile at least a couple of times and show that you’re enjoying the dance, most leads are more likely to come back a second time.
make eye contact and smile also helps.
I often had this problem standing on the sideline moving to the music.
But then I started asking men myself.
They told me they wouldn’t dare to ask me, because they think I am some kind of professional. Before they even saw me dancing.
They are afraid I would reject them, or wouldn’t enjoy a dance with them.
When I tell them it’s ok, they always thank me for the dance and are very suprised I enjoyed myself.
Don’t always think it is because of you. when you are not getting asked for a dance.
a lot of men are more insecure than you think.
I never reject dances and I think nobody should!
Hi Sorrel,
That’s a really useful article and I’ve read a few of your articles, keep up the good work!